Note: Normally I would never tell if one of these is made up or real (cuz where's the fun in that), but in this case, I'm going to break my rule. This letter is absolutely real. I didn't make it up and I have confirmed that the person who sent it wasn't just fucking around with me. This bitch is serious I figured I'd better tell everyone that or you'd just shrug this off as a fake. Believe me, I don't think I could've made this shit up, lol.
Dear twisted Psychopath calling himself lord,
I cannot BELIEVE anyone lets you near their kids. How can you, a man in your twenties, be spending time with 13 and 15 year olds? Do you have some sick fetish towards children? Why do you like children so, PEDOPHILE!? The only reason you want young people to like you is for your own sexual desire and because you're just like that Heaven's Gate cult, ensnaring people's minds and getting them to lie down and die for your own sick sadistic reasons. I don't even think you're 20. You might be a lot older. How does anyone know you're not actually an ancient, powerful spirit lurking on the internet, preying on the souls of teens and subverting them? If I had my way you would be fired, put in prison and you're websit shut down.
Dear some dude's mom,
Ok, I guess I'll go ahead and get the boring part out of the way. Lady, you just called a male teacher a pedophile. Congratulations, you're officially lame. Like I haven't heard that one about 5 million times in the past 10 years. "Oh no, a man who loves kids, he must be a pervert!" Ha, oh no, a sexist bitch who actually believes that stupid shit. Get over it.
Now that the great big yawn is out of the way, let's move on.
You ask how a man in his twenties could be spending time with 13 and 15 year olds? Um, because old people are fucking BORING as shit. I can't help it that most of the adults I know suck ass. Plus, I live in the south, so the only real chance I have of finding open-minded people who *aren't* bigots is to talk to the younger generation. Forgive me if I get sick of hearing the word "nigger" 80 times a damn day!
Actually though, I have friends who range in age from 5 to 60+. It's not that I hang out with teenagers, it's just that ignorant cunts like you only notice the teenagers that I hang out with. If you saw the whole spectrum of people I hang with, you'd find that in actuality, I simply don't attach an age to a person. I make friends and like people based on WHO THEY ARE not how old they are. One of my closests friends in the world is going to turn 10 in December (and it's a girl). Dumbasses like you might think that makes me a pervert, but she and her mother would probably piss themselves laughing at your description of me.
Let's see... the only reason I want to hang around with young people..... sexual desire...blah blah blah, you're a pervert... blah blah blah... oh, this is interesting. I'm like the Heaven's Gate Cult?!
Oh my damn! Now I'm a cult leader, eh? Well, ok... I won't deny that one. You totally nailed me there. Yes, I lead the illustrious Cult of OhMyGodYou'reAFuckingIdiot. It's my job to find teenagers like yours and introduce them to my great philosophy. I'm sure you're dying to know what my philosophy is, so I'll tell you. It is the belief of our cult that one day, I will rise up and claim my rightful place as god of this world and when that day comes I will systematically crush all the stupid people. Now, I've put you at the top of my list. I do indeed get them to lie down and die for my sick sadistic reasons. So when you wake up and your kid is standing over you with a .44 and a zombified look on his face while he chants "Galen is my god... must kill for Galen... must obey my Lord...", now you'll know why. He's obeying my command to kill stupid people.
OR.... I could just be a smartass who thinks that the fact that you actually believe this load of shit is horrendously entertaining. HAHA, you fell for the SnipeMe, bitch! Damn, you must've read my entire fucking site and absolutely 100% believed every fucking word of it to have this kind of opinion about me. Fuck, you're stupid.
YOU >>>> <<<< ME
And now we come to the really fun part...
"How does anyone know you're not actually an ancient, powerful spirit lurking on the internet, preying on the souls of teens and subverting them?"
I can't decide whether to make fun of you for actually believing that crap or to just go with it. So I think I'll just do both.
The "you're an idiot" response - How do you know I'm not a big mean spirit sucking kids into my devilish trap of doom? Well, to a normal person I would say "because you're not fucking insane?" but for you I really don't know how to answer that one. I suppose I can't actually *prove* that I'm not an ancient powerful spirit, but if I am, then shouldn't you NOT be trying to piss me off with stupid letters? What, you think God is gonna protect you from this big nasty spirit or something? Oh, hang on.... Yeah, ok, I've got God on the phone now and He says you're a fucking fruitbar and I should just go ahead and send my minions to gut you. HAHAHA! You're such a whackjob, bitch.
The "Damn, you caught me" response - Ssssshhhh! Don't say that shit, lady! If you expose me then all the pure souls I've corrupted may fall to the wayside! If that happens, my lord Satan will be most displeased with me. Ha, but it won't happen because no one will believe you. They'll just lock you away in a padded room. In fact, I'm going to use my super spirit powers to possess the head of your local nuthouse and have you committed! Mwahahahaha! It's not like a stupid bitch like you stands any fucking chance against an ancient evil Internet spirit, now is it?! HAHAHA, YOU SUCK!
Then comes the finale. First, I'd be fired. Ok... for what? Oh, right, because you THINK I'm a pervert and therefore shouldn't be around kids? Ok, so you call my boss and tell him about these imaginary molestations I've committed against my imaginary victims and I'm sure he'll be happy to hand me an imaginary pink slip. Better still, I think you should definately call a shrink about all the imaginary pedophiles you see running around everywhere. You seem to think some awfully sick fuckin' shit for no reason at all.... project much? That's right, bitch, I'm calling YOU a pedophile! HAHAHAHA! Hey, if you can call me names based on your imagination, then so can I. I think you're a sick fucking pervert. I don't have any reason to think that, but it's kinda fun! Hey, I think I see why you enjoy this!
Ok, now after being fired for my non-crimes, I should then go to jail for them. So not only should I lose my job for no other reason than "some stupid mom thinks so" but I should go to jail to. "Lord Galen, you have been found guilty by a jury of your peers on the charge of making some stupid insane bitch imagine sick shit about you! Baliff, take him away!" Actually, if you took the case before Judge Judy, you might actually win! HA!
Oh, and last but not least, you'd have my website shut down. Damn bitch, you already got me unemployed and in prison, do you HAVE to kill me website too? Holy fuck!
Well, this has been fun, but I've gotta bring it to a close now. I know, it's disappointing to see me go, but you gotta understand that I'm a busy guy. Being an ancient spirit who subverts, brainwashes, and molests teenagers before sending them to die on a whim is HARD FUCKIN' WORK lady!