Lesbian Needs Help
May 20, 2005
[ Note: This DG Letter has been edited for spelling and grammar by Galen. It's a good letter, but not fit to publish in its original state. And, please people, no real names! ]
My name is A***** and I am 12 years old. I had a really big secret until a week ago when my parents found out about it. My dad who's a baptist preacher listened in on a phone call between me and my girlfriend. I'm a girl too so he freaked.
They took me out of school and are homeschooling me now so I can't see my girlfriend anymore. If C****** (my g/f) calls they get really really mad and want to talk to her parents so she hangs up and now she just won't call anymore. I don't blame her, I wouldn't call either.
They want to send me to some like fucking convent for "troubled youth" and make me go to counseling and stuff. That's all my mom's fault though. My dad was like "She's just confused and if we just keep her away from that girl she'll get better" but my mom was like freaking out crying and falling down praying and stuff. I don't like to be around her now cause whenever I am she starts telling me how sinful it is to like other girls and the Bible says I'll go to Hell and she loves me and doesn't want that to happen.
My cousin told me about your website and said I should ask you for advice. Can you tell me anything to help?
-A***** [name omitted by Galen]
Damn girl, you got problems! Holy shit, this is some bullshit. Alright, lemme try to take this one thing at a time.
First, I'm gonna start out with the shit that might sound like I'm on your parents' side, just to get that out of the way. I'm most certainly NOT on their side, but... Have you considered that this might actually be "just a phase" you're going through? At your age, it's hard to know for sure if things like this are permanent or not. I know quite a few people who had homosexuals feelings and such when they were around your age. So, that is at least something for you to consider. There's no way to be sure if this lesbianism is really *you* or just an expression of you finding your identity, but really that has nothing to do with this shit that's going on with your parents. Whether it's a phase or a permanent part of who you, there is no justification for their cruelty.
Sadly, the only thing your parents are going to accomplish with this is to push you further away from them. They've shown that they are not capable of giving you the understanding and support that a parent should give, regardless of their personal beliefs. They don't have to agree with you or even like it. They could've simply said, "We don't approve of this, we won't accept it or tolerate it, and we don't support it." While that would be a really dickheaded thing to say, it would be better than them trying to punish you and FORCE their value system down your throat. They don't have to like it, but they do have to accept that they have neither the right nor the ability to dictate who you are attracted to. Hell, even YOU don't have that choice; you're attracted to who you're attracted to and that's it, period!
Hon, you really need outside help on this one and not just from some guy with a website. Call your school and speak to the counselor. Ask him/her to help you. If there are any supportive people in your church, ask them for help too. What you are describing to me is not a normal response from sane rational people. There's a correct way to handle discovering that your child is something that you abhor; belittling you with degrading comments/sermons, removing your entire social structure, and telling you that you are disturbed and in need of institutionalized help is NOT the way! They'll end up making you crazy. Not to mention the fact that if this really is just a phase, they may very well cause it to be permanent by placing such emphasis and importance on it. The more horrible they treat it, the more persecuted and abandoned (by them) you're going to feel. When you feel that way, you will no doubt cling tightly to your identity, whatever it may be. That's natural and is a self-defense mechanism against this type of bullshit.
I would also add that this treatment from your parents might be considered a form of emotional abuse. Please seek help from trusted adults. If doing things the correct way doesn't work (ie, if no one will help you), I suggest open defiance. State in no uncertain terms that this arrangement is no longer acceptable and you will not tolerate their treatment. No matter what they say or do, stick to your course. If you keep telling them "no" regardless of what they do, they'll eventually be willing to compromise. If they have you forcibly placed in that youth home, defy the staff there as well. If this place is what's known as a Gulag School, you could be endangering your safety by doing this, but you also endanger your safety by staying. If it becomes neccesary to run away (and I hope you never have to do this), please don't try to go it alone. There are shelters and places for runaway teens that you can go. Don't try surviving on the streets by yourself unless you're WAY tougher than you seem to be.
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