I fuckin' hate Texas - the whole damn state and everybody in it. I wish Mexico had kept that fuckin' ass trap. Remember the Alamo? Fuck the Alamo!
I get so damn sick and tired of hearing bullshit about Texas from those godawful asshole Texans. Oh, everything's bigger in Texas? No, not everything, just your fucking self-conceit. Hey, this is an ego-maniac telling you to reign in those fuckin' big ass heads of yours!
C'mon people, you know what I'm talkin' about here. Every person you meet from Texas feels the need to introduce themselves as if their state is part of their full name. "Hi, I'm Bob and I'm a proud Texan." Fuck you Bob, you're a dickhead!
What the fuck is it about Texas that makes people so damn proud to be from there? Proud to the point of making me want to barf all over their cowboy boots, in fact. Oh, what, it's BIG? Hey, we stole it from Mexico; the Mexicans made it big not you, shit-for-brains! Even if Americans had made it big, so fuckin' what? It's not the size of the state that counts, it's whether or not it's filled with fuckin' idiots and Texas is definately at the top of the Dumbass List.
Maybe it's some hick pride thing? I know all about that. Shit, living in Georgia for most of my life, I've seen all the big belt buckles and Confederate Flags and shouts of "yeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaw" and other such bullshit. I know all about "redneck pride" (though personally I'm ashamed to even breath the same air as those fuckin' inbreeders...). No, that's not what Texas is about. Sure, Texas has all that bullshit, but they take it to almost fanatical extremes. Just try insulting their beloved state. I'm preparing my inbox for the flood of hate mail I'm going to receive after this rant. I'm sure I'll see a thousand variations of "God Bless Texas" and "American by birth, Texan by the Grace of God" and the always lovely "You don't know nuthin' bowy! I'll kick yer yankee ass! Woooooooooo! Hell yeah for Texas!"
And I'm sure you can all hear me shaking with fear of what a bunch of twelve-toed half retarded fucks who can't even design a decent hat are gonna do to me. There's another pussy thing about Texas: Ten-gallon hats. Boy and girls, can you say compensation?
Let's not forget the worst thing Texas has done in recent history. You knew this was coming... Those bastards let a whole family of Texans escape! Just look what happens when you let them out of their cages: The Bush Family. Attention Texas: Please keep your fucking moronic ilk within your own borders!
Look, you ten-gallon pieces of shit, I wouldn't have any problem with you just being there if you'd just shut the fuck up already! Oh, wow, you're from Texas - NOBODY FUCKING CARES! SHUT UP! You're not special. You're just the same as everybody else who comes from every other state . Being from a big state doesn't make you important - it doesn't make you anything. However, the fact that you go on and on and on and on about it makes you an intolerable mother fucking asshole! Just shut the fucking hell up!