Moral busybodies are taking the perfectly good word family and using it as a code for censorship the same way 'states' rights' was used to disguise racism in the mid-sixties.
-John Waters
Lord Galen
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Techno Elitism

Everyone knows how much Microsoft and AOL and all the other major companies in the technology industry absolutely suck ass, right? I mean, Windows is a disaster and you just HAVE to use Linux or a Mac if you wanna be safe and secure. Plus, their products are just full of bugs and exploits and flaws, etc. And furthermore.....

Wait, news flash, hold on... This just in: NOBODY FUCKING CARES!!!

I'm am so fucking sick and damn tired of hearing this bullshit from every corner of the Internet! "Oh, Microsoft sucks," "Unix is the way to go!" "I'd never use a Windows system." Blah blah blah blah blah! This is yet another of those things that I can't even understand WHY I have to explain it, but here goes my explanation anyway. I doubt that you cro-magnan morons will even get it.

I use Windows 2000. I've hardly ever used anything else (hardly ever, but I *have* used other systems in the past). Why do I stick with Windows? Why do I remain loyal to the evil giant that is Microsoft? It's simple, moron: I don't. I'm not "remaining loyal" or "sticking with" anything! I just using what I fucking like, you arrogant piece of shit! I don't like Linux and I don't like Mac OS (X or any other), so why the fuck would I use them? "Well because they're better, Galen?" So what? That's a matter of opinion, for one thing and for another, it doesn't fucking matter. Tests may show that Hanes™ socks are better than the socks I wear, but I LIKE my fucking socks, so why would I switch?

The thing that gets me most is the fucking arrogance (yeah, this is a self-proclaimed god calling YOU arrogant... there's a message in that; too bad you're too stupid to get it). All these moron fucking Uber Geeks strut around and look down their nose at Windows users as if we're all inferior or something. Hey, genius, you pick up your Mac and I'll pick up my PC. I fucking garauntee that I my inferior Windows box can still break your skull open, asshole! Assholes like this hear that I use Windows and their like "But I thought you knew about computers and stuff? Don't you know better than to use an insecure buggy system like that???" Dumbass, I know all about Windows and its imperfections, and yeah you think that makes me just plain stupid to continue using it.

Oh shit... I feel another mystical revelation coming on... News flash for ya, pal: EVERY operating system has bugs and there is NO SUCH THING as a "secure" OS! None! You won't find one anywhere! Not a Mac, not a Linux box - nowhere!

"Yeah, but Galen, Windows has lots MORE flaws though! It's got a thousand times more bugs and so many security holes!" So does your system, genius. Wanna know what the difference is? People actually USE Windows on a large scale. The more people you have using a program, the more various situations the programming will have to deal with. The more situations it has to deal with, the more likely that a flaw will be found! There haven't been as many flaws found in your favorite system because it's not used by anywhere near the number of people that Windows is and therefore it is not put into the millions upon millions of different scenarios that Windows is.

Next, the security holes. Your OS has just as many; don't fucking kid yourself. Wanna know why Windows gets exploited so badly? Because it's the most widely used! Any criminal is going to look for a weakness in the bigger target. Hey, look at Al Queda. They rammed big ass planes into two big ass buildings and one very important building. It's the same with so-called hackers and script kiddies. A hacker even bothering to look for an exploit in Linux or Mac is like Bin Laden spending many years and millions of dollars to fly a plane into a local Wal-Mart! They don't fucking BOTHER trying to exploit your shit, cuz your shit's small-time, bitch!

"Oh sure, we know that Galen, that's why we use this OS cuz that makes it more secure." What a fuckin' genius maneuver! Security by obscurity is what that's called and it doesn't make you smart, it makes you a fucking pussy! Oh no, the hackers are all over Windows, so we better go run and hide in our little Linux box cuz we'd probably piss ourselves if we actually had to deal with real threats like port scans and worms and viri, oh my! And no, "viri" is not a type-o; it's the proper plural of "virus."

So, let's see, instead of putting up defenses, you take your sorry ass off into a hole and hide from the big bad scary hackers. Awwww... let's throw you a pity party! Yeah, you look like a real fuckin' genius from where I'm sitting, crack head.

Me? I have firewalls, anti-virus, and local proxy/web filtering programs coming out of my ass over here! THIS Windows system is as fucking secure as your pussy ass little hippy computer, any day of the week asshole!

"LOL, see? We don't need all that stuff. That's why we're so smart!" No, that's why I'm telling hackers to go fuck themselves while you're hiding from them, dipshit. I'm sitting in a fortress and you're hiding in a hole. The enemy army tries to attack my fortress whenever they get the urge, but they never get through. The enemy army knows about your hole and where it's at and that you're hiding there, but they don't fucking care. Which one of us is safer, bitch? I feel safer here in my mighty fortress than I would sitting out in the open like you and relying on the enemy's apathy to protect me. Stupid cunt!

"Well, my Linux system has been running for 6 months without crashing, so HA!" Oh yeah, my Windows machine crashed sometime last month. I rebooted. I took about a minute and everything was fine then. I didn't lose any data because I'm smart enough to save my work and have back-ups. Oh, wow, you don't have to take a whole minute out of your life to reboot; I am so fucking impressed now. God, let me go out and buy a Mac right this instant so I can save myself that minute and all the hassle it entails. Loser!

"Hey, but Mac and Linux are a lot better for lots of things than Windows. Like running web servers and editing video." That's absolutely true, but how many average people run a web server? And how many average people do serious video editing? Would you say that those who do such things are in the vast minority? I would. So, Mac and Linux are way better at doing things that only a handful of the population does.... Moving on.

"Microsoft is evil though! How can you support them?" I don't support them. Not at all. I just use the OS that I like and expect you to shut the fuck up about it.

"Yeah, well, Microsoft stole all their Windows ideas from other places..." Mac-heads and Linux geeks love to say that. Look, put a little common sense into practice here, ok? People obviously liked what they saw when Windows got popular, right? So, if other people really had those same things before Windows, wouldn't everyone have liked those other people instead and thereby not giving MS a chance to steal anything? Saying this is exactly the same as saying "People used to drink goat's milk all the time, but milk only got popular when cow farmers stole the idea." Don't be a fucking moron.

"Windows is the OS for the ignorant masses. It's like a child's toy in how easy it is to use! Anyone with half a brain would use Linux or Mac." I REALLY love it when you dorks say this. Slamming Windows because it's easy to use and praising an alternative OS because it's more complicated and harder to learn. If you can't see the stupidity dripping off that statement, then whatever.... You just sit there and take the complicated pussified route, ok?

Ok, in all seriousness. If you like using Linux, fine. If you like using Mac, fine. That's great, you should use whatever you enjoy using and whatever works best for you. But stop looking down your fucking nose at me for being smart enough to use Windows effectively just because you were too much of a dumbass to overcome the hurdles!

At the end of the day though, there's a learning curve to every OS. Using Linux or Mac may be more complicated, but using Windows takes more to keep it secure and stable. It's a trade-off and no single OS is any better than the others.

So SHUT THE FUCK UP already!

PS - If it makes ya feel any better, this website is run on a Unix server and I woudn't trust a fucking Windows web server to prop my leg on!

My Gift To The Techno-Elite