Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lord Galen
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I’m sitting here right now puffing away on a Doral Menthol 100. Is this bad for my health? Well, duh! Anyone who can’t figure out that inhaling fucking smoke is bad for you needs to pull the ax out of their head (and that’ll be easier if you pull your head out of your ass first). Is this bad for those around me? Yeah, probably so.

These are good questions and questions that have been asked and answered ad nausuem. I’ve got a new question: Is it any of your fucking business?

I know the “dangers of smoking” and I also know of the many ways available to quit. I choose to continue despite all this. Who the fuck are you to tell me to quit? Fuck you, I don’t get in your face and tell you to put down that cheese burger, you fat cunt! Listen, we all have our vices. For some it’s alcohol, or drugs. For others it’s caffeine or chocolate. For me and millions of other people, it’s lighting up a nice cancer stick and sucking those 40,589,943,930,035 chemicals deep down into our lungs, then breathing it out with a nice satisfied “Aaaaaaah…” Who the fuck are you to rain on my parade, bitch?! I know it’s killing me and I’m doing it anyway. Get the fuck over it!

Oh, but if only it stopped there. If only… In the past few years this group of self-righteous holier-than-thou anti-smoking people have arisen and decided to call themselves by the ever-so-pretentious name “truth.” I’m sure you’ve seen their bullshit commercials. They come on and quote all these grand statistics that make smokers sound like the fuckin’ Lung Nazis or like we’re all just some cult proudly killing ourselves off day after day. Here’s an interesting little fact for you: All those nice tidy statistics they quote come from research funded and conducted by the anti-smoking lobbyists. All independent research (which you, the average person, never hear about) show incredibly different results. Hmmmm…. Isn’t that just interesting?

I’ll tell ya what though. Since these people are so interested in the “truth” how about if I spread a little of that right here and now? I mean, if smoking is so terrible, what would be the harm if I give you all some facts about it. Yeah, I usually all about opinions and telling you to find your own damn facts, but in this case I’ll make an exception. Here we go:

So-called "facts" Actual Facts
Second-hand smoke is a Class A carcinogen that contains over 4000 chemicals. There’s no safe level; if you can smell it, it’s killing you. Sunshine is also a Class A carcinogen and normal human breath contains the same chemicals. You get more exposure to air-borne pollutants by driving your car than by living with a smoker.
Constantly raising the price of cigarettes keeps kids and adults from smoking. Every 10% increase in price causes a 7% decrease in youth smoking The price of cigarettes has risen by over 400% since 1991. The percentage of adult smokers is the same now as then. Youth smoking is higher and kids are starting younger.
Smokers cost you billions of dollars in Medicare (up to $7 for every pack they smoke). Non-smokers are paying the difference. All research except that of the anti-smoking lobbyists shows that smokers pay into the system far more than they take out. According to the Congressional Research Service, smokers have subsidized non-smokers since at least 1994.

Yeah, I got a few more but I think I’ll stop there. Only three items on that chart, but boy are those some big-ass fuckin’ lies! All I should really have to show you is ONE example of their lying bullshit. Once you’ve seen evidence that someone is full of shit, how can you trust anything they say?

Let’s examine some more smoking-relating bullshit, shall we? How about this old favorite: Smoking causes cancer. Oh really? You must’ve read a different Surgeon General’s report than me, cuz the one I read said something like this: “Smoking may increase the chances of contracting heart and lung diseases such as cancer.” Lemme spell that out for you in case you’re too fuckin’ illiterate to get it the first time:

Smoking may increase the chances of
contracting heart and lung diseases such as cancer.

Not “smoking causes cancer” you dumb twat! Fucking learn to READ before you try to snipe me and my bad habits, BITCH!

ATTENTION TRUTH PEOPLE: You really want to make the world a better place for everyone to live in? Shoot yourself in the fucking head!

“You just hate smoking, so you use all your
money and power to force other people to
think like you do. That's called fascism,
you tubby asshole!

-Kyle, “South Park”