Put Your Fucking Cart Away
Here is yet another piece of proof that I am obviously more intelligent than the vast majority of people. I actually know how a shopping cart works and where to put the fucking thing when I'm finished with it!
The stupidity and just plain laziness of people never ceases to amaze me. I can't walk through ANY parking lot where shopping carts are used without seeing the proof all around of what great big IDIOTS you all are!
Hey look, right there, it's a big fucking sign that says "Please Deposit Your Shopping Carts Here." How stupid can you get???
No, I know... I know it's not all stupidity. It's usually just plain laziness. You finish loading your groceries, or your new TV, or your new dildo in the trunk and it's just too much fucking trouble for you to make that exhausting 30 second round-trip to put your fucking buggie where it belongs! So, since your fat lazy ass can't be bothered to make the Great Trek, you just shove your cart into the nearest empty parking space or between your car and the one next to it or something like that, in order to more effectively demonstrate what a complete and total fucking slovenly LOSER you are!
Then, there's the next step up on the ladder of neatness, yet it's a step down on the ladder of intelligence. There's the people who will actually push the buggie all the way over to the bin and leave it there NEXT to the fucking thing! I can only assume that these people are good enough to bring their buggie to the proper place, but then they lack the intelligence to do anything but leave it in the general vacinity of the fucking bin!
And then, there's the complete neanderthals. These people are very considerate, but total idiots just the same. They'll walk up to the bin, shove the cart in, and walk away. Hey, asshole, guess what? I've got a major revelation for you. THEY FIT TOGETHER, MORON! Oooooh Ahhhhh.... Yeah, how about that shit, eh? The buggies will actually fit into each other, kinda like shopping cart sex. Doesn't that sound nice? Yeah, there we go..... If I add "sex" into the equation, that'll get your low-brow attention, won't it?
Last week, we were parked next to the bin at Wal-Mart. I came out to have a smoke and discovered an amazing thing. My car had apparently been transformed into a shopping cart magnet while I was in the building! That was some incredible shit! Parked right next to the bin where shopping carts are supposed to go, yet somehow they all seemed to have been mystically drawn to all four sides of my fucking car! I mean, there were carts resting against the back bumper, and carts sitting against all 4 doors and even a pair of carts that seemed rather friendly with my car's headlights. Amazing phenomenon, that is.
All kidding aside. Look, really, how fuckin' lazy are you people? You managed to walk all the way over to my car and deposit your piece of shit shopping carts there, yet you couldn't walk the extra 5 feet over to the bin? Oh, but of course not. No, you couldn't, because the bin was all filled up. Not that it had too many carts in it, but the carts where sideways and diagonal and turned at various angles because of the neanderthal fucks who'd obviously been prowling around the bin and were too stupid to figure out how to make the buggies fit together in a straight line. So, I spent the next 10 minutes gathering every cart in site and made 2 perfect little rows in the bin. And, guess what? Miracle of miracles! I fit every single cart in the area into that one bin, with room left over! It's incredible! What a revolutionary discovery this is! Damn, who'd have thought that if you actually do something the way it's designed to be done, it might ACTUALLY WORK! Wow!
And, let's not forget to share the blame with store employees. Wal-Mart is the worst about this, but no store actually fucking does their job in this aspect. How many times have we walked into a store and seen no buggies waiting? You know why? Because they're all scattered around the damn parking lot, that's why! Because the fucking employees can't be bothered to get off their asses and go bring the buggies inside!
Wal-Mart, K-Mart, all of you - SUCK! Next fucking cart I find touching my car gets nailed with an acetylene welding torch! I will cut that mother fucker to shreds, you assholes!
All you fucking idiots, PUT YOUR BUGGIES WHERE THEY BELONG!!!
UPDATE: After finally developing the roll of film (and at Wal-Mart, no less, lol), you can now
Click Here to see exactly what I mean!