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Christopher Reeve


Everybody is mourning the loss of that great "hero" Christopher Reeve. Oh, what a great champion for the cause of paralyzed people we've lost now....

Give me a fucking break! That asshole didn't give a flying fuck about paralyzed people until he became one himself! What a pathetic fucking cock-sucker!

I pulled out my Ouija board last night and asked Christopher Reeve to give me a statement to use in this rant. Here's what I got back from the other side...


I've been meaning to bitch about that asshole for a long time and now that he's dead, it seems like the perfect opportunity cuz now I can be sure that somebody down there in Hell will deliver this message to him. Fuck him, I'm glad he's dead; that prick!

"Oh Galen, no, you can't say such horrible things... he was a good man and he did a lot to help people..." No the fuck he didn't! He was paralyzed, so he did a lot to help HIMSELF, period! When did he ever help anybody before (I mean other than the token gestures that all celebrities do)? Where was his foundation for blind people or deaf people or stupid pe-- Oh, wait...

On the day he flew off that horse, he was probably galloping around his estate singing "Yay for me, I'm not paralyzed, I'm not a stupid crippled gimp mother fucker! I can walk, I can fuck, I can--" and then God punished him for being a prick (just like how He punishes me by making me have to put up with so many idiots).

Christopher Reeve was always an asshole before he became crippled, so why the hell did you all suddenly love him and think he's great after he opens a foundation to look for a way to fix his own fucking problem?! Oh yeah, big fucking hero!

You want a hero to praise? What about me, damnit?! I fight for equality and civil rights, even though I'm a white adult male (which makes me not a minority). I'm not sitting back going "haha, fuck you bitches, my rights don't get trampled on, so what do I care?" Nope, I'm right out there walking through the shit to help my fellow man even though it won't benefit ME personally! I'm a fucking hero, not Reeve. He's just a dick... No, I take that back, he's a limp dick with no functionality... No, wrong again, he's a DEAD limp dick that can finally be hard again thanks to rigormortus.

Fuck you, Christopher Reeve, I hope you're happy now cuz there aren't any paralyzed people in Hell. Tom Welling and Dean Cain made better Supermen than you anyway, asshat!