Innocence is just ignorance in a frilly pink dress
-Julio Gutierrez
President, ASFAR
Lord Galen
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Children Swearing


I hear people all the time talking about “bad language” and punishing their kids or their students for using “bad language.” I’ve got a question on that. Exactly what makes any form of expression “bad?” Where the fuck did this idea come from that there’s something “bad” about someone (even a child) expressing themselves in whatever manner they’re comfortable with?

There are 3 kids that I keep often. Their ages are 9, 8, and 6. Of those three, the 6 year old (the only boy) is the only one who doesn’t cuss like a drunken sailor in my home (and I’ll explain why in a moment). The 2 girls are free to speak however they wish in my home and they take full advantage of it, believe me! Now, many will say “Galen, that’s horrible! How could you encourage them to use foul language?!” and my reply to that would be to tell you that I think it’s terrible that YOU would force them to censor themselves and pretend to be some perfect little angel instead of allowing them to be the people they truly are. I don’t encourage a damn thing! I simply allow them to be who they are without interference. They love me and they respect me, what more could I ask of any human being? Not to mention the fact that it’s just plain stupid. You teach your kids not to swear or say “bad words” even though you KNOW they’re gonna grow up and do it anyway as soon as you can’t stop them. Why waste your fucking time?

The reason you do it is because it is just one of the many ways that you get to exercise control over someone. That’s what parenting is about for most people – control. You may indeed love your kids, but for the most part you see them as the one aspect of your life that you can dominate and deride into submission! Most parents (not all, but most) see their children as nothing more than sentient pieces of property or subjects to be ruled over like some kind of god. Nevermind about that, I don’t want to start ranting about a different topic.

Not only does letting the children in my home swear allow them to be (truly) themselves, it also teaches them a valuable lesson in social etiquette. The lesson is that there are times and places were swearing is acceptable, but there are also times and places where it is not. The girls know not to speak that way when at school or with their parents, but it’s ok to do it when they’re with me. The reason the boy doesn’t swear (because we’ve never made it known to him that he can) is because he ain’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, so I don’t think he’d pick up on that social lesson just yet. He wouldn’t understand why he can say “Hey, what the fuck’s up!” to me, but not to his teacher. Most people, on their on, don’t master the social etiquette behind swearing until their late teen years, but these girls have got it down right now. I’d call that advanced learning, wouldn’t you?

While I’m on this subject, a big kudos to Ozzy and Sharon Ozbourne for raising their children with the ability to express themselves and to simply BE themselves instead of some fake version of themselves the way post people are with their parents. I know that I’m most certainly not “the real me” when I visit my parents. Most people aren’t. However, like Jack and Kelly Ozbourne, my children will be able to be themselves in front of their mom and dad. Yeah, I can hear the collective laughter of all the parents who’re reading this as they say “Galen, just wait until you have kids, you’ll feel differently.” Bah! You’re too hung up on biology. I already have children, they just don’t share my DNA. I define my children as those kids whom I love and care about so much that they’re a part of me. Their genetics are irrelevant.

Let your children be who they are and stop forcing them to play along with your delusion of who you think they should be. They will never be the perfect angels you wish they were; get the fuck over it.

So, kids, say it loud and proud. Put up your middle finger and shout FUCK YOU!



"Children always understand. They have open minds.
They have built-in bullshit detectors."

-Madonna Ciccone