Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
-H. L. Mencken
Lord Galen
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Jealous Assholes

I'm sure everyone knows the type of person I'm referring to here. They come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life. Jealous, possessive, controlling, manipulative, fucking assholes!

I'm sorry to say it (well, not really) but the vast majority of these losers are men. Sure, lots of women are jealous and I've known quite a few, but for the most part it's fucking no self-esteem insecure little pricks who act like this.

I know this type of man very well. I used to be one. When I was about 15 and in my first serious relationship, I was the single most possessive, jealous, controlling son of a bitch you could imagine. Well, that's not so abnormal at that age, really. When a young man is first in love and learning how shit works, most guys are gonna be total fucking screw-ups at it. No biggie there, because these things usually disappear with age. Like most guys, I grew out of it. Today, I'm the most non-jealous person you'd ever hope to meet. Guys can hit on my wife or make dirty little comments to her and I don't fucking care. She can take care of herself and if it looks like it's bothering her, I'll step in for her sake. Anyway, that's not really what I'm talking about here and I'm getting off the subject, so let's jump back on...

What the fuck is wrong with you damn idiots! I try to defend men, really I do. When bitches talk shit about us and when the media makes us out to be bafoons, I bitch about it. But, there's no defense for this. The fact is that guys who act like this are fucking pussies and deserve to have their balls stapled to a ceiling fan!

Point by point, you fuckers, here we go:

(1) - No, you may not choose her friends! Who cares if she's talking to a guy? Who cares if every fucking friend she has is a man. NOT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! That's right, you heard me; it's not your business who your wife or girlfriend is friends with, you fucking pathetic little shit! Back off!

(2) - Do NOT violate her privacy! Contrary to what you meat-headed turds seem to think, being married to someone (or just dating them) absolutely does NOT remove their right to privacy. You may not listen in on their phone calls (or record them). You may not check to see who she's talking to on the phone. You may not read her e-mail. You may not go through her things. Her right to privacy did not fucking disappear just because she married you. FUCK OFF!

(3) - Your threats to leave are pathetic! Some men will even go as far as packing their bags to leave in order to make their woman give in. Hey, fuck you, asshole. Every woman who's ever been in this situation and asked me for advice has gotten only one short response from me: "Help him pack." You, fellas, are fucking pathetic losers and I hope she picks up a frying pan and beats your ass to death with it. I'll help her bury the body, you shit!

These 3 things can be summed up very simply in 7 little words: You either trust her, or you don't! And many will say "It's not that simple Galen!" YES IT IS! Every other bullshit thing that comes out of your mouth is just a pathetic excuse for your insecurities. Every time you say "How would you like it if I were calling all these girls and hanging out with them?" or "I trust you, I just don't trust him" you're proving me right. NOTHING you say means anything. Fuck you!

I hate pretty much everyone, but you guys... You piss-poor excuses for men... I fucking loathe you with hatred as black as outer space. You're shit. You're fucking pathetic losers and you don't deserve even a skanky trailer park whore, much less any of the decent women who've been blind enough to fall into your sappy little trap. Yeah, I know how you suck them in. I used to be just like you, so don't give me your shit, cuz I can see right through it! You're all sweet and sensitive and a soft little lamb to start off with... It's not bullshit, you really are like that. The trouble is that your sensitivity and sweetness comes from your terrible insecurities and your desperate need to be with someone which comes from your fear of being alone. You really are sweet and sensitive at first and it's not an act; you're really lonely and just want somebody to love you. That's all well and good. The problem comes once you actually have someone who loves you. Then these insecurities and the fear of being alone manifest itself in evil ways. You grow so afraid of losing her that you don't want to take any chances of letting this good thing in your life slip away. So you become possessive of her and jealous of anyone or anything that diverts her attention from YOU. What you fail to realize all along is that THIS behavior is what will drive her away from you (unless she's a stupid bitch).

You ARE the pathetic loser you always thought you were! You weren't at first, I'll give you that. At first, you just had no self-esteem and it drove you to seek someone else who thought you were worth something. The trouble is that NOW with the way you treat your wife (or girlfriend), you have become the useless pathetic piece of shit that you used to think you were.


Herein lies the hope. Ladies, listen carefully. Don't put up with this bullshit! He will only treat you this way as long as you let him! He is a bully, plain and simple, and like most bullies he won't react well if you stand up to him. Yes, he'll be angry and yes he'll accuse you of betraying him and blah blah blah blah blah. But, NO, you don't have to take it! I'm not talking about a divorce here; it doesn't have to come to that at all. All it takes is for you to put your fucking foot down and reign his ass in! It's easier said than done, ladies, but it's really not THAT hard to do. You just do what you want, regardless of what he says. He'll get mad? Let him! He'll try to leave? Let him GO (chances are, his pussy ass won't really leave anyway, cuz you're all he has).

If you stupid fucking women would stop putting up with stupid fucking men, this shit would stop pronto!

(Note that if you're husband gets physically violent with this shit, I'm in the process of writing a rant on Domestic Violence, so stayed tuned for that...)

Bottom line: Your wife is not your property. You do NOT get to treat her however the fuck you feel like treating her. She is a human being and her rights don't disappear just because you're an insecure sack of shit!

Any man that treats a woman like this, I consider you lower than a common criminal. Any man who used to treat women like this and learns that it's wrong and changes himself, I hold great respect for you, sir!

The rest of you can fucking eat me.

"Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell
together: at the door where the latter enters,
the former makes its exit."

-Alexandre Dumas