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Halloween


It's Halloween again and I feel the need to bitch like a badass Halloween zombie frankenfuck asshole.

What could I possibly hate about Halloween? Well, not that much really. Other than the fact that it's a bullshit "holiday" designed to sell shitloads of candy and costumes. And, y'know, I could've fuckin' sworn that exploiting children was condemned by society? Oh... that's right... it's ok when businesses exploit them! That's just part of our glorious capitolist society, right? So, let's get kids all jacked up about Halloween so they'll bug the shit out of their parents to buy buy buy buy buy the bestest costumes and the mostest candy!

But really, I don't give a fuck about that. Hey, the kids have fun, overindulge, get sick, and then throw up. Last time I checked, that's the same thing adults consider a "wild weekend" so what the hell, let 'em have at it. Throw a bottle of baby lotion in the boys' bags and a "wand massager" (*snicker* yeah right) in the girls' bags and it's just like the adult version of a party! Wahoo!

Ok, but seriously, there's really only ONE thing that genuinely pisses me off when Halloween rolls around. It's the bullshit psuedo-religious motherfuckers who run around screaming about how Halloween is "Satan's Holiday." Oh, why, because it's the only ancient Pagan celebration that the early Christians DIDN'T steal for their own uses?! Fuck off, you Jerry Falwell wannabe assholes!

Halloween doesn't have a damn thing to do with Satan. It never has. Halloween originated as a Pagan celebration. Note the word "Pagan" as in, people who don't even fucking BELIEVE in Satan, you IDIOTS! How the fucking hell is a holiday that originated from people who knew nothing of Satan supposed to represent Satanism, you damn douches?!

This is just a good 'ol case of modern Christians just trying to start shit whenever they get a chance! Yes, I know I'm a Christian, but I'm not one of these dumbass fucks. No, the modern Christian church is a sick, sad, pathetic institution. In order to actually BE a Christian, you kinda have to follow what Christ taught and I don't recall Him ever saying anything about running around trying to fuck up somebody's good time with your made-up bullshit about Satan! Think about you, you assholes, Halloween makes children happy! Why the FUCK would the Prince of Evil be in favor of something that makes the innocent members of our society happy?

And what's the sin anyway? Hmmm??? Where's the fucking sin, I DARE any one of you hypocrites to point it out to me! When did God ever say "Thou shalt not dress up as silly representations of supernatural beings?"

Listen, if ghosts are real, they damn sure aren't running around wearing white sheets (although, if I was a ghost, I'd do that just to make you piss your pants). And Satan, if you recall, was an angel; therefore, in reality, he's BEAUTIFUL, not a beast with horns and a tail. My point is that traditional Halloween costumes aren't even CLOSE to the supernatural things they're supposed to represent, so what the fuck are you pussies bitching about? It's not like Satan is REALLY running around the streets begging for Snickers and M&Ms!

Let's review:

(1) - You're all capitolist puppets who, for one night of the year, hand your balls to Hershey's and Nestle for the sole purpose of your kids' amusement. Admirable, but dumbassed nonetheless.

(2) - Satan takes a nap on Halloween. It's boring for him. Nothing evil happens and the innocents of this world are having fun. The only one's showing any tendancies toward evil are the bigoted 12th-century-minded "Christians" who can't stand that people manage to have fun without licking Jesus' balls in the process! Fuck you, YOU'RE the evil ones.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I'm spending my Halloween night at a church-run Festival with games and candy for the kids. It's not that I want to be there, but "my child" loves it (and oddly enough, she's practically an Atheist, lol). So, I'll just suck it up and do whatever makes her happy!

Here's hoping that everyone caught the irony of that last paragraph, hehehehehe.....