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Blow Jobs
Yup, I’m gonna talk about blow jobs. This isn’t so much a rant as it is a series of observations and declarations. The world just needs to know these things.

Anyway… I started thinking about this the other day. The mother of the little girl that I affectionately call “my child” was telling me that “my child” asked about oral sex. Fuckin’ hilarious! Anyway, after the explanation, “my child” responded with “That’s gross, that’s where boys pee from.” Hehehe, that’s pretty much what one would expect an 8 year old to say about it, but it occurred to me that she’s not alone in that opinion. Many grown women seem to have this stupid idea that blow jobs are “gross” so I’m here to set the record straight.

There is nothing in the world better than getting your dick sucked. If you claim to love your man, but you won’t go down, you don’t love him at all. It’s just a fake love. You’re just pretending to love that dude. Come on, suck on it! It won’t fuckin’ kill ya and it’s not “gross.” You just need to get used to it.

Oh, and lest you should start thinking any other stupid things, let me just go ahead and clear up another common myth right now. The bird of peace may be a dove, but the bird of love is most definitely a swallow! Ladies, if you don’t swallow, it doesn’t count! If you go down on your man, but don’t gulp down his load, you just fuckin’ cheated, bitch. That’s cheating and your man needs to eject you from the game!

Another myth that women believe in far too often is what I call the “reciprocation” myth. No, you nasty skank, we don’t have to go down on you in return! Our shit ain’t covered in nasty, sweaty, smelly hair! Our shit don’t smell like a fucking fish market at high noon in July (and, believe me, once you get that close to it, there isn’t a woman alive who doesn’t smell that way no matter how cleanly she is)! You stick your face down there and see how you like it, ho! As my child observed, we do indeed piss from that same organ, but you bitches bleed and pass chunks of fucking tissue out of your hole, damnit! Makes me wanna hurl just thinking about it…ugh!

Ok ladies, let’s review:

    (1) If you love your man, you will suck his dick.
    (2) When the sucking comes to a conclusion, you will swallow every last drop.
    (3) Your man doesn’t have to “return the favor.” Get the fuck over that shit, right now!


I hope you’ve enjoyed this little lesson in proper relationship etiquette! If you still have some questions, feel free to suck me off and I’ll tell you what you’re doing wrong!