First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.
-Pastor Tony Campolo
Lord Galen
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Female Problems and Men
I’m here to dispel a myth that’s commonly held by women. In fact, it’s instilled in little girls from an early age. The myth is that men don’t know shit about “female problems” and that they shouldn’t know. Here we have something that the ancient Romans called “biggus loadus of bullshitus.” Most men don’t know anything (or don’t care to know anything) about female things because they’re taught to think that way and girls are taught not to share information with them. Gee, and you wonder why boys giggle over the word “period?”

Let’s get some background here. As a youngster of about 12, I was very interested in sex on a scientific level. I made it my business to learn everything I possibly could about human sexuality and particularly about the female body. So, I spent years reading medical encyclopedias, journals of biology and medicine, and even the Kinsey Institute’s New Report on Sex, published by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. So, I was far from your average ignorant teenager. Sure, teens these days know about “sex” but what do they really know about human sexuality? Hell, I used to love watching MTV’s “Love Line” just to yell at the screen and tell Dr. Drew what a fuckin’ idiot he is! That dude really gave some awful medical advice sometimes. Usually he was ok, but at least once per episode, I’d find myself shouting medical information at the screen trying to get through to him why he was wrong! Hahaha! Anyway, back to the topic…

I was quick to dispel this myth among the girls who knew me by the time I reached High School. Girls in my school didn’t go to parents or teachers for their concerns related to “female trouble,” they came to ME! Why? Because, quite simply, even at age 15, I ( a lowly ignorant male) knew more about the subject than their mothers did! Oh, I’m sure girls and women reading this right now are doubting the hell out of me. You’re shaking your head saying “yeah right, whatever…” I knew girls like that too. Usually their friends would ask me a question on their behalf (because such girls didn’t want to ask me, believing that a lowly male couldn’t possibly know anything about “girl stuff”). I would give my opinion on the situation and the non-believer would scoff at it and say that whatever I said was stupid. Usually, it only took a few days for them to come and apologize, saying “My doctor said exactly the same thing you did!” Well, DUH!

So, what’s the fuckin’ point here? The point is that I am a man and I DO know all about your stupid little “private” female bullshit! I also know that there’s nothing so damn special about it that all knowledge relating to female inner-workings should be kept from males the way it is! I was VERY lucky to have an inquisitive scientific mind, otherwise I’d be among the throngs of men who don’t even really know what a period is beyond knowing that “she bleeds for about a week, so we can’t fuck.” Stupid ass… Thankfully, men usually do get educated pretty quickly once they get married or start living with a woman. Seems that living with a female entitles one to be a part of the great conspiracy. Hmm…

The point is, really, that it pisses me the fuck off! I don’t like the fact that women automatically assume that I know nothing about their female shit simply because I’m male! I don’t like that women seem incredibly surprised that I know about things as simple as Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) or Vaginismus! What the fuck?! Simple little shit and you’re fucking amazed that I know about it? What are you, retarded? Nope, not retarded, just an average chick who thinks men are the fucking retards! If you want to be really impressed, maybe I should write you a lengthy explanation on the roles of progesterone and FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) in regards to the menstrual cycle. Then again, maybe I should start simple and with small words, explain the basics to all the men out there who don’t know this shit! It’s not that their stupid, it’s that they’ve been kept ignorant intentionally by women who, for the most part, think that their fucking pussy and the shit up inside it is some sort of big taboo secret!

Women, listen the fuck up! Teach your sons and daughters the same things about their bodies. When you first explain periods to your daughter, have your son present as well. NO, that’s NOT sick, you stupid bitch! It’s only sick to you because you’ve been taught that the gender barrier of knowledge should exist – it shouldn’t, so get the fuck over it! Your sons deserve this knowledge as much as your daughters. You want them to be more sensitive toward women? Well, if they’re not ignorant of “female things” they’re a lot less likely to be pricks about it! YOU create the pigs you despise, stupid! I consider myself very lucky to have had a mother who took the time to answer me honestly when I first saw a Maxi pad and asked what it was for. Yes, I do remember that, even though I couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 years old at the time. Ladies, teach your sons the facts and they won’t be ignorant little dumbasses.

Don’t think the women are alone in this! Fathers, don’t go all stupid and tongue-tied when your daughter asks you questions! At some point, very young girls are going to see your dick and wonder why you have that and she doesn’t. Don’t put it off on your fucking wife! It’s your dick, YOU explain it! She deserves to be educated about the male body as well, though there generally isn’t a problem with that among girls. Men and boys don’t have this stupid idea that their bodies are some big fucking secret.

One last thing, just for the record. Ladies, unless you happen to be a doctor, the chances are very high that I, a man, know more about your fucking anatomy than you do! I suggest that you think about me the next time you’re about to assume that some man doesn’t know jack shit!