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African American
Everyone knows what this is, right? African American is the nice little PC term that is currently used to describe people of a specific skin color whose ancestors happened to have come from somewhere on the African continent.

Now, anyone who reads this site knows that I am FAR from being racist (see my rant on racism for more on this). So, before you super-liberal pussies start screaming about what a fuckin' KKK candidate I am, just save it. Yes, as you may have guessed, I'm about to rip into the rediculous phrase "African American." Contrary to popular belief, however, disagreeing or disliking something related to black people does NOT make one a racist. If I were ONLY ripping into the term because of black people, then sure maybe you'd have a good case against me. However, I'm not.

I'm going to start this rant by talking about white people. Well, one white person actually: My wife. My wife is from the beautiful country of South Africa. She was born and raised there and is a natural-born citizen of that country. This makes her, by birth, an African. Now, when she married me (an American citizen) naturally she had to obtain American citizenship in order to live her with me in the bliss of Holy Matrimony, right? So, being an African citizen and a naturalized American citizen, can you guess what that makes her? Time's up! My wife is an African American! And, folks, she's as white as they come. So, here we are with a WHITE African American. Hmmm... Well, gee, if white people can be African Americans, then that must mean that it's not really a very good term for black people!

Look, you wanna have "black culture" fine. It's completely retarded to define a "culture" by skin color (not only retarded, but blatantly racist, IMO), but whatever. You wanna be proud of your African heritage? That's AWESOME! Everyone should be proud of where they come from and it's great to see it celebrated so much among the black community. However, my friend, you are most certainly NOT African! My wife can show you her passport and other ID documents from her country of birth (an AFRICAN country), what the fuck have you got? Show me a fuckin' passport, smart-ass, THEN call yourself African! In fact, show me TWO passports (one from an African country and one from America) and THEN call yourself African American!

My shop teacher in High School was from Africa and lived here in the U.S. That black man IS African American. The Reverand Jesse Jackson was born in Greenville, South Carolina. That black man IS NOT African American. Minister Louis Farrakhan was born (as Louis Walcott) in Roxbury, Massachusetts. That black man IS NOT African American.

Calling yourself "African" doesn't make you African. The fact that your ancestors from 200 years ago came from Africa doesn't make you African. Hell, my last name comes from British origins and I damn sure am not a Brit!

Like I said, you wanna claim your heritage, that's really cool. Honestly, it is. But don't run around calling yourself something you're not!

Case in point: I heard about this while I was living in Africa. A few years back, Whitney Houston came to Johannesburg to do a concert. As soon as she stepped off the plane, in front of press and everybody, she said "Oh, it feels good to be home again!" Now, all the blacks in American probably nodded their heads in understanding of how she must feel and wishing they could step on their "native" soil too. You wanna know what the black people over there (y'know, those REAL Africans) thought about her comment? One word: Lame. That's right, Whitney, they were laughing at you, stupid! The black people in Africa rolled their fuckin' eyes at Whitney Houston's rediculous declaration that she'd "come home" again! Attention to all black Americans, I've got a newsflash for you: The *real* African blacks don't feel any kinship with you. They don't feel any sort of family bond and they most certainly DON'T like you claiming Africa as your "homeland" you fuckin' idiot! Do you know where I first heard this story? From a comedian. That's right, a South African comedian (a BLACK comedian, I might add) was making fun of Whitney Houston for being such a fucking dumbass. He then proceeded to make fun of Black Americans in general for their stupid "African American" bullshit. They don't like you claiming their country, because you have no right to. So, back the fuck off, dipshit!

If you'd just put a little thought into this shit, you might've reached the same conclusion. Good thing I'm here, since I seem to be one of the few members of the human race that actually still knows HOW to think.

And, in case you're planning on sending an e-mail about what a racist I am - save it. The chances are very high that you're more of a racist than I'll ever be. I'm not racist... I fuckin' hate you no matter what color you are! White, black, pink, purple, yellow, spotted, stripped, it DOESN'T MATTER because you're ALL fucking morons!