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Lord Galen
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Can you guess what's coming? Yup, I fucking hate advertising! It all started with TV, radio, and newspaper ads. Not so bad, right? I didn't mind those; hell I used to even enjoy some of the funny ass commercials and shit that come on TV.

But, along came the Internet and not far behind, the ad market. At this point, I'm so sick of ads from being online that the ones in real life are driving me nuts too! It's hard to find anywhere online that doesn't beat you over the fucking head advertising something. It's insane!

Ah, but let's not forget where all that started. Those wonderful loving fucks that we all know. Spammers. Somebody got the genius idea that sending out 10 million e-mails a day would earn them money. Maybe at first it was a good idea and it worked pretty well, but it didnít take long for people to get annoyed with it.

ATTENTION SPAMMERS: Nobody fucking cares anymore! Youíre wasting your time and money! The only thing thatís going to happen when that e-mail youíre sending reaches someoneís inbox is that itís going to get deleted right away! No, they wonít even open it, because nobody likes you and nobody fucking cares what youíre selling. Hell, even if someone actually DID care, theyíd never even know what you were selling because you have to disguise every subject line to avoid spam blocking software! Havenít you gotten the fucking hint yet, asshole?! When you have to write ďMortgage OpportunityĒ as ďM0r+g@ge 0pp0r+un|+yĒ it should be pretty clear to you that no oneís bothering to even give a flying fuck about your shit anymore.

If only spammers were the only problem though. There isnít a free web host around that doesnít have issues with insecurity. That must be what it is. They go to excessive means to always make sure that you know exactly who owns the web space youíre surfing. Afraid you might forget about them, I guess.

After that, you get all kinds of websites that shove their advertising in your face like youíre actually going to give a ratís ass about it. In the 6 or 7 years since I first got online, I think Iíve clicked on an ad ONCE (and that was in year number 1, when I didnít know better). The average web user never follows any ad links and never responds to any spam e-mails. The business of online advertising was officially declared ďa waste of time and moneyĒ by most financial institutions years ago. So, why do they bother?

Now, as I said, itís spilled over into the real world. I canít stand advertisements of any kind anymore. When commercials come on, I mute the TV. Just canít fucking take it anymore! Iím suffering from ad-saturation, I think (yes, I made that up).

Youíll notice that this site has no ads. Not difficult to do since my bandwidth usage rarely exceeds 1Gb per month. I donít have any need to pay for huge amounts of bandwidth. What about those sites that do? They should just shut down for the remainder of the month when their bandwidth runs out! I guarantee you, thatís what Iíll do. If this site happens to get popular (perish the thought), Iíll let it sit here inaccessible after the allotted bandwidth runs out, rather than become a fucking sell-out by trashing up my site with ads! So, if you come back here sometime and see the site is down, it might just be that I got popular all of a sudden!

Now, for your enjoyment, here are a few ways that Iíve found which work nicely to discourage advertisers from invading your space. Iíve used each one of these methods in real life and had great success with them.

Spam - So you wanna stop e-mail spam? Not so hard, but itís very time consuming. Most legitimate spam e-mails will have a ďsent byĒ IP address in the e-mail header. Do a WhoIs search on the IP to find out who itís registered to. Youíll usually find that itís registered to some internet marketing place. Now, take your happy ass over to the Better Business Bureau website and file a complaint against the company. Iíve only done this once, but Iíve never gotten anymore e-mails that traced back to ďAAA Internet MarketingĒ damnit! If the IP addressed or the ďfromĒ field was spoofed (meaning it was faked or deleted altogether), well they have to be advertising SOMETHING, donít they? Go to the website theyíre advertising, do a WhoIs search on it and file a complaint against THEM.

TV Commercials - Thatís what you have a mute button for. Use it. Although, there's a game that I recently discovered which makes commercials (on TV and radio) a LOT more fun. Just wait until they say their stupid little slogan and add the words "in my pants" to it. That can be fuckin' hilarious! Have it your my pants (Burger King). Yeah, we do my pants (Meineke). Get a piece of the my pants (Allstate Insurance). Quality is job my pants (Chevy). Where do you want to go my pants (Microsoft)? See? That can really liven up most commercials!

Snail Mail Spam (junk mail) - Take out the junkmail, write ďreturn to senderĒ on the front and stick it back in the box. I did this to AOL after they failed to heed my warning about sending those damn discs to me. They recently sent me yet another one though, so itís on to plan C (writing a letter to them was plan A). Going to call them and demand my address be removed from their database immediately.

Telemarketers - This is the easiest one, by far. By law, theyíre required to remove your name from their calling lists if you ask. All you gotta do is pick up the phone and say ďremove my number from your calling list.Ē They HAVE to do it. Iíve been known to actually call them back when they have the balls to leave messages on my voice mail! Hahaha!

Fair warning to any spammers who send mail to any address, you will be wasting your time. Youíll get no profits from me. Go ahead and try, if you wish. Itís your time and your money thatíre being wasted. All I have to do is click ďdeleteĒ for free.