A fanatic is a nut who has something to believe in.
-Dean Koontz
Lord Galen
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Wishing For Ignorance, Part 2

Dear Galen

After directly asking whether my new male friend was still married, he called me on the phone and explained that he was still living with his wife, but that it was more of a roommate situation. He told me a story of how they separated, weren't able to handle it financially, and the difficulty his daughter had with it. He and his wife moved back in together to share bills and expenses they way they were "comfortable" doing. I told him I was concerned about whether his wife expected him to be monogamous, and didn't want to hurt anyone by being involved with him. He assured me it wouldn't be a problem, so I agreed to continue being "friends". We talked about getting together again sometime soon, and I had no doubt that getting together would also mean getting somewhat physical, not just hanging out.

He asked me to go with him to a convention in the city, and we met at the train station. He was looking as good as ever, and I was very much appreciating the view. We went to the convention cuddling, kissing, and enjoying each other's company. During our talking, he explained to me that the original breakup with his wife was a few years ago, but he does still climb into her bed with her - after she goes to sleep - and there was sex once a year or so. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with that, but I still was willing to be accepting of it. Things only progressed from there - he didn't want his picture taken with me. He mentioned he wouldn't be calling me from work since his coworkers were teasing him about having a girlfriend, and he didn't want them to know about me and have to trust them to "cover for him". He bought a t-shirt at the convention and mentioned it was good that he did so since that way it shows he was there. After spending the day with him - most of it with his shirt off to show off his work - I wasn't exactly thinking of what was going on at the time however. I was wishing we had a hotel room.

When I got home my hormones calmed down and my brain started working again, and I wondered if what he was telling me was true, and if it even mattered to me. The fact that he cannot openly admit to being friends with me - regardless of what we may be doing in addition to having a friendship - bothers me. He's given me the impression that we can only get together at conventions or some sort of event that he can say he's going to and then meet me there; and I don't want that sort of sneaking about restricted friendship. He's mentioned several times that he values our friendship more that any physical relationship we may have, but honestly - that just sounds like so much of a line I can't really trust it.

I'm pretty sure I can't see him again until such time as he can meet up with me without disguising it. I'm also pretty sure that if I call or email him to say calling or emailing is all we'll be doing, that he won't be bothering to email or call at all - but I think that's what I'll be doing anyway.

What are your thoughts?

-Wishing for Ignorance

Dear Wishing

Ok, just like last time, here comes some serious shit from me...

Now, the last time you wrote me about this jerk-off, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and told you to just have fun with it. Well, allow me to recant. This dude sounds like a real scum bag. Take it from a guy, hon, he's lying out of his ass to you!

He's got a wife and a daughter at home thinking he's off being the good husband and taking care of business. Well, yeah, he's "taking care of business" alright, if ya know what I mean!

You're an easy mark and a sucker - he knows this. He, like any trashy ass man, is using that to his advantage. Don't be a sucker, Ms. Wishing, it's time to drop him like a slut drops her pants (in other words, quickly)!

Even IF everything he's told you is the absolute 100% truth, just how much a future do you really see in this relationship (if such a word can even be used to describe this touch-and-go bullshit game you two are playing)? What are you gonna do, replace his wife? Become "mommy" to his little girl? Puh-lease...

This asshole sees nothing more in you than a pot of low self-esteem and lonliness that could possibly boil over to produce a blow job and/or piece of ass for himself. DON'T give him the satisfaction!

Dump the dweeb, Lose the loser, Chunk the chump!
He IS the weakest link! Good-bye!