Enlighten the people, generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like spirits at the dawn of day.
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Lord Galen
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My Ex Calls Me A Stalker



Dear Galen


I have a problem and I have no clue what to do. See I dated this chick for some time and we ended things on a bad note. Well I left well enough alone after being hurt many times. She on the other hand does not know when to stop. I am a student and officer of a club at the school. My facility adviser asked me to send out an e-mail letting the other members know we had a few positions left to fill like secretary and treasurer. Well my ex also used to be a member of this club till she graduated from the school. She was on the list serve and when I sent out the e-mail it went to her too. She decided to e-mail me demanding to know why I was doing this and who gave me the power to do this. I ignored her, but the e-mails from her kept on coming. I finally sent her a reply telling her I am the pres of the club. She calls me a liar and all sorts of other names. I end the conversation and ask her to not mail me again and to remove me from her e-mail and messenger list. She has yet to comply and is starting to annoy me. She calls me a stalker yet she is the one causing and making all the contact. Funny she starts all this as I start a new relationship. What do I do?

-Anonymous



Dear Anonymous

Giving advice on relationship problems (or problems with Ex-relationships) is tricky, because I only know one side of the story - yours. No story has just one side to it. So, everyone reading this should view your story and my advice with a bit of skepticism. But, in order to actually be able to respond, I hold a policy of assuming that your story is accurate and complete (otherwise, I'd never be able to write a fucking thing).

Ok, first off, whether you're the President of the club or not, you certainly have a superior somewhere. I suggest you go to that person and report this incident. Tell them what happened and report her for sending you harrassing e-mails. After all, you would just doing your job and she's the one who responded like a psycho bitch.

And speaking of her being a psycho bitch... What the fuck kinda problems does this bitch have, anyway? You send out a generalized mass e-mail about filling positions for Secretary and Treasurer and she thinks you're stalking her? Yeah, she needs help; the kind that involves a padded cell and some lithium injections.

However, since you've dated her, you must know that she's not rational, so why the fuck are you expecting her to act rationally? Your one and ONLY response to her should've been a cold professional response of something like:
Dear Ms. [NAME],

We at [CLUB NAME] sincerely apologize for any misunderstandings arising as a result of you recieving an e-mail meant for only the current members of our organization. We will act immediately to remove your e-mail address from our list serve and sincerely apologize for any inconvience.

Sincerely,
[YOUR NAME]
President, [CLUB NAME]

And THAT should've been the end of it. Any e-mails after that should've been replied to by your superior. See, the mistake you made was in allowing your personal feelings to influence you just like hers did. You should've handled this just like you'd have handled a harrassing e-mail from a total stranger. Not only does that settle the matter quickly and effectively, but it also sends her the message that she is not special or being given any special attention (negative or positive) from you.

She didn't believe you were really the President of the club? Well, is she retarded? Does she think you go around sending out mass e-mails to people asking for Secretaries and Treasurers just for the fucking hell of it? Oh, but wait, I forgot, she deluded and you're a stalker, right? So, surely you just sent out an e-mail to dozens or perhaps even hundreds of people just so she'd get an e-mail too. And because this e-mail sent out to LOTS of people was all professional and non-personal, well that naturally means you're stalking her! I mean, isn't that just obvious? What were you thinking, doing your fucking job when it inconviences her? What's wrong with you? *sigh*

This woman (and I use the term loosely) appears to be severely ego-centric and is suffering from a delusional persecution complex. I'm not a shrink, so don't take my word for it; I just call 'em like I see 'em.

I suggest to you that it would be dangerous to continue to have any contact with her whatsoever. Her delusions could one day lead her to accuse you of anything from stalking to rape. Cut your ties with her immediately! Every e-mail and messenger program has a simple fucking BLOCK function; I suggest you use it instead of waiting for her to remove you from her lists. If she has your phone number, then change it (that goes for home phone, cell phone, pager, or anything else).

However, I should add that if she's the one who's right and she's not just delusional (and only you really know if that's true), then you're the one who needs help. If she's right, then you need to check yourself in to a mental health facility right away. I mean, if you really are sending out mass non-personal e-mails JUST so that one of them reaches her, then you're a fucking nut!

The real truth of this matter probably lies somewhere in between. If I had to guess, I'd say you're probably both demented as hell. But, who the fuck really knows and who the fuck really cares? Not me - fuck off.


Hate,
Galen