America has never let an absence of any real threat ruin a good panic.
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Lord Galen
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Hopeless in Love

Dear Galen

I am seeing this girl that I like a lot and I know she likes me, but she will not commit to anything. I would go so fare as to say I am in love with her. First off, should I tell her this and second what do I do about her?

-Hopeless In Love

Dear Pussy

Ok, she doesn't want to commit. What more is there to say? It takes two to tango (and various other cliches), if ya know what I mean. This really isn't a matter of what should you do, because you don't have a fucking choice.

Look, I know it can be hard for lesbians these days to find good relationships, but.... Oh, wait, you didn't actually say you're a lesbian, did you? Hmmm.. Well, I'm just assuming that you are since only a fucking woman would actually be seeking out commitment. So, anyway, like I was saying... I know it's hard being a carpet-muncher these days, but just hang in there and the right gal will come along for you. She'll wave that magic tongue at you and it'll be love at first lick.

On the off chance that you're actually a guy (yeah right, like anybody's that big of a lame-ass sissy...), I'd just like to say that you need to take some steroids or something to increase your manliness. Commitment? What the flying holy Christmas fuck is wrong with you?! Go out, fuck around, get laid a million times by different women every night. You'll go out like a "real" man.....with AIDS.

Anyway, let me answer your specific questions now and stop making fun of you for being a pussy.

1. Should I tell her this?
Not unless you enjoy a big ball & chain.

2. What should I do about her?
Dude, girls are like stamps: Lick 'em, stick 'em, and send 'em on their way!

Does that help? Golly gee, I surely do hope so, pal!