Resist much. Obey little.
-Walt Whitman
Lord Galen
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Boy Problem

Dear Galen

I have a really big problem and I hope you can help me.

I'm a middle-aged man who has been accused of molesting little boys. I didn't do it, but everybody thinks I did!

Here's the problem. See, I didn't have much of a childhood myself. I had a very unusual family. We all travelled around together a LOT taking part in the family business. So, I never had any real friends or anything like that growing up. Now that I'm grown, I just want to give something back. I want to make sure that other little boys get to really experience childhood the way it's supposed to be experienced.

The trouble is that people just don't understand. They think that just because I live really close to an amusement park intentionally, that I want to lure kids over to my house so they'll want to play in my - er, in the amusement park near my house. That's not true at all! Like I said, I just want to capture some of my childhood experiences that were lost and I want to help other boys do the same. That's all.

And then there was the bed thing... See, when the kids spend the night, well all have so much fun together that it's just like one big slumber party. So, we all stay up late together hanging out and then go to sleep in my bed. People seem to think it's strange for some reason that I let these little boys sleep in the bed with me, but I just don't get it. What's wrong with that? If I was a little boy too, nobody would care, so why is it different just because I'm a grown-up? I play with them like a little boy and I just want to be another one of their friends just like any other boy. I just don't understand.

I've got good lawyers, but I don't know if that'll be enough. People have some really sick thoughts about me. I'M not the one having sick thoughts about me and the boys, it's THEM! Why does everybody think I'm the pervert when THEY'RE the ones having the dirty thoughts?

I hope you can help, Galen. You talk about how men get discriminated against when it comes to children, so maybe you have some advice for me.

-Marvin Johnson

Dear MJ (can I call you MJ?)

Damn man, that's a bitch. I kinda know how you feel. I mean, I've never been accused of molesting any kids, but just the fact that I'm a man who enjoys being with kids.... yeah, I've gotten some dirty looks and flippant comments. That's ignorance though. That shit comes from the fact that most people honestly believe that anything with a dick is a walking "I'll fuck anything that moves" machine. You can thank the ultra-radical feminist movement for THAT bullshit!

Basically, you just gotta let it roll off your back. People are gonna be stupid, there's no way to avoid that. In your case though, where you've already had to get a lawyer and shit... damn, can't just let that ride. That's some major fuckin' shit when somebody thinks they've got enough against you to take you to court over it. The trouble is that it doesn't take that much. Just calling someone the dreaded "P" word is enough of an excuse for the cops to at least "have a little talk" with you. Well, not for me... nobody's ever had the balls to come right out and call me that, even if it's obvious that they're thinking it. Ignorant people tend to be chickenshit too (for the most part).

Anyway, listen to your lawyer dude and have your lawyer get the kid interviewed by an independant therapist. No doubt the prosecution will have one interview the kid (or is it kids) and that shrink will come to court and talk about all the things the kid(s) said knowing full damn well that he/she asked leading fucking questions to get the kid to say what they wanted to hear. That's the way that shit work, man. So, make sure your lawyer covers that base.

Now, as for this shit about letting the kids sleep in your bed with you.... That all really depends on how well you know the parents and how much they trust you (and also how they feel about such things). I mean, dude, right or wrong, you can't just share a bed with somebody's kids. Yes, it's ignorant, but the fact is that people automatically connect the bedroom with sex and they connect two people sleeping in the same bed with two people fucking. It's stupid as hell, but that's the way it is and you gotta show that you're cool with whatever the parents think is best.

For example. "My Child" (the 8yo girl I've spoken of on this site before) spends the night at my house fairly often. When my wife was out of town once, she stayed here for 2 days. So, it was just me and her all alone in the house for all that time. Now, with no one to share a bed with (b/c my wife was gone), I wouldn't have minded personally if she had wanted to share the same bed with me. However, regardless of whether I cared about it or not, I happen to know that her mother would not approve of such a thing because she feels that allowing children that old to sleep in the bed with you fosters dependancy issues. See, the point here is that I KNOW how her mother feels about this matter and can therefore act accordingly with her wishes. I have to wonder if YOU even know the feelings of those boys' parents about the matter. Well, I mean, obviously you know NOW that they didn't fuckin' like it! Maybe if you had gone to them at some point and said "Um, listen, little Billy wanted to sleep in the bed with me last night and I didn't really see a problem with it. I just wanted to let you know and if you have a problem with that, it won't happen again." But did you do that? NO! Apparently you didn't!

The whole problem I'm seeing with that is that you didn't even bother to consider the parents' wishes! Most parents would probably be ok with something like that (or at least they wouldn't be assholes about it) if you just TALK to them first! Unfortuneately, we live in a world where children are not allowed to make such decisions for themselves and, like it or not, you have to play by those rules! Until the rules change, you have to fucking obey them!

Your overall problem is this: You want to be a kid again to recapture your lost childhood, but you're NOT a kid. You're an adult and even though that sucks ass (believe me, I don't like being an adult either, pal), it's still a fact and you can't change it. You wanna be their friend, FINE, be their friend! But you also have to remember that YOU are RESPONSIBLE for them while they are in your care! You're not JUST a friend to them, you're a friend who is responsible for their safety and well-being! You seem to have the friend part down just fine, it's the responsible part that you need to fucking work on! Got it?

Hope everything works out for you, MJ. Unless you did it... In that case, I hope they pull a Freddy Krueger on your sick ass and burn your house down with you in it!