SnipeMe – Now Available With 100% More Encryption!

Because I’m not an e-commerce site, nor any sort of site that really needs encrypted end-to-end communication with my audience, I’ve never bothered. Also, because I’m fucking poor and that shit isn’t free! Correction: wasn’t free.

Thanks to the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and the Internet Security Research Group (ISRG), now any website can have their shit encrypted for FREE!

This has been around for a little while now, I just hadn’t gotten to it until today. And now, thanks to the fucking badasses at the EFF and ISRB, you can get insulted and demeaned by me with complete privacy and security!

I will now take questions. Yes, let’s start with you, the fat meatloaf hater in the corner there:

“Galen, what the fuck are you even talking about? What does this mean?”

Ok, so for the computer illiterate, it means this. When you visit my website, the address now starts with https. The s stands for “secure.” You see the same shit when you visit Amazon or Newegg or anywhere that you have to enter private information. If you connect to a website using just regular old http, it’s like shouting down the street to your friend. Anybody along the path who knows how to listen will know what you’re saying. Using https is like yelling to your friend in Klingon; it’s not impossible that some pathetic fucking loser will be able to decipher what you’re saying, but it’s a lot less likely.

Ok, next question, let’s see… Ah yes, you, the Ancient Greek in the 3rd row. Yes, if you’ll just take your dick out of that boy’s ass, I’ll be happy to answer your question.

“Galen, why the fuck did you bother? This is stupid. There’s nothing secret on your website. Everybody knows it’s here! Literally everybody! I practically grew up here! Please notice me, daddy!

Uh, ok, that was creepy…. Anyway. It’s not about keeping secrets. An encrypted end-to-end connection hides shit from the people who aren’t intended to see shit. For example, your ISP, who has the legal right to sell off your browsing history to the highest bidder in order to make themselves lots of money that you’ll never see. Fuck those fucking fuckers, right in their goddamn ears! Do I want them exploiting my users? FUCK NO, I DON’T, and they can suck a bull’s dick in hell!

Ok, final question…. You, the pale specter floating in the corner grading my coding ability (and always giving me an F), the last question is yours.

“Riiiight, Galen, listen… I’ve inspected this https implementation of yours and found it lacking. The SnipeMe Classic site hasn’t earned its padlock. There are clearly still insecure things there.”

I have no idea. Four different web services have scanned the site and rated it as perfectly secure with no remaining http elements. I do not know why Firefox and Chrome still think the site is insecure. I’ll fix it later, because nobody fucking cares. For now, everybody should be advised that if you go to SnipeMe Classic and get a warning that the site is insecure, it’s bullshit and both Firefox and Chrome are borderline retarded.

And that’s it for this very special announcement. TL;DR – Galen modernized some shit, so give him praise or he may never do it again.

Free Adverstising:

Let’s Encrypt! – Go here to get your own free SSL certificate and make your website say “fuck you!” to the government and ISPs.

NordVPN – Go one step further and make sure that *everything* you do online is encrypted and secure. This is the VPN provider Lord Galen uses.


One Response to SnipeMe – Now Available With 100% More Encryption!

  1. Run a server? Use Certbot to install SSL certs. The Ubuntu packages come with a cron job that will renew your certificates automatically.

    https://certbot.eff.org/