Welcome 2017

I’ve always written something to start off the new year. One of the reasons I like the blog format is because now I don’t fucking have to. I could just leave this alone, but fuck it, I might as well write something to welcome in 2017.

Many are glad that 2016 has finally ended, what with all the terrible shit that’s happened this past year. Celebrity deaths all over the goddamn place, from Prince to Princess Leia. The election was a shit show the likes of which politics has never seen before and then it ended in the worst possible outcome. I’m not being facetious when I say that. Literally any other person who was running for President would have been better. Oh, Clinton’s a liar and a crook? Welcome to politics, you ignorant fuck. Oh, Romney’s a religious fucktard? Welcome to Republican politics, dumbass! This shit is par for the course.

Ah, but let me not get off on that tangent too badly. I’ll have four more years to opine the dawning of our Idiocracy (and possibly the twilight of our civilization). Traditionally, one is supposed to talk about New Year’s Resolutions and things they’re looking forward to in the coming year. Well, you know me, I fucking LOVE traditions!

Sadly, I don’t have any Resolutions to share. I never do, because I’m fucking fine with who I am, you weak ass little pussies. OH, no, wait a minute, I DO have one! More sex. I’m not getting enough. So yeah, there’s my Resolution: Have more sex.

Now on to the things I’m looking forward to….


Ok, well, my 16th wedding anniversary is coming up soon, so that’s cool. Valentine’s Day is always a busy time at my job, so that’s a lot of fun. Hopefully the world won’t end before September, so I’ll get to see my kid turn 7, that’ll be awesome. Oh fuck, and I just realized what age I’LL be turning right before he turns 7… shit. No, it’s not fucking FORTY yet, you motherfuckers. It’s 39…. shut up HEY, I just thought of a good thing about Trump being President! There’s a good chance I’ll die before I hit 40! FUCK YEAH, ‘MURICA! TRUUUUMMMP!

Oh god, I just threw up in my mouth a little after doing that. Moving on….

Or, well, no, nevermind. Nothing else I can think of, really.

I’m sorry guys, but there’s no positivity to be found here. If you’re happy to see 2016 die, just wait. 2017 promises to be even worse. You’ll be begging for 2016 to come back and gently penetrate you with no lube.

*sigh*…. I can’t just leave it like that. I guess there’s is a hopeful message I can deliver on this New Year’s Day and here it is: IF we make it, WE win. The reason the anti-intellectuals and fucking retards of the planet are making a comeback is because common sense and reason has actually been gaining ground! It’s happened slowly, but it’s happened. Republicans had pretty much given up on gay marriage and on fighting gay rights as a whole. They were reduced to small quibbles over fucking gay wedding cakes and trangender bathrooms. We, the good intelligent people of the country, had them beaten back into a corner. This? This shit right here? This is their last dying effort to fight back. If we can emerge victorious, we will have fucking WON. The fight is on, motherfuckers; welcome to twenty-goddamn-seventeen!

3 Responses to Welcome 2017

  1. Sorry buddy, but it’s not 2006 anymore. Your enemies are no longer old white bible-thumping Christians.

    You’re out of touch with the world, and all you can do is tell yourselves how smart and enlightened you are in your echo chambers. You deserve nothing less than the humiliation of losing to Trump. A crazy old man with no political experience or tact, and the people decided he was the lesser of two evils compared to you.

    You deserve Trump. Whatever he does, it’ll be worth it just to humiliate scum like you.

  2. Would you care to expand upon that? In what way do my beliefs in fairness, equality, and reason make me “scum?” Is it your position that these are negative things for which to advocate? When you’re finished explaining that, could you explain who this nebulous group is that you seem to be lumping me in with?

    Please, do enlighten me.

  3. Fairness, equality, reason? Don’t make me laugh. When have you ever given a shit about these things, except when you can use them to feel smug and superior over everyone else? You thrive on hate, so you can never achieve fairness or equality. You regurgitate whatever shit you hear on TV, so you can never achieve reason. You spent years dulling your wit, picking on easy targets, and now the only coherent thought you can come up with is “LITERALLY HITLER”. Like a naive child, you followed anyone who lured you with the sweet words you wanted to hear, and as a result you’ve immersed yourself in the company of psychopaths. You perverted social justice, and we will likely never have a chance for fairness and equality ever again. You were supposed to be the ones to end the hate, but instead you brought ruin to it all.

    For that, I have no sympathy for you. We will drag you out kicking and screaming so the world can see how you “intellectual superiors” act when the light of truth is shone upon you.
    Shriek on, great retard. Show the world your impotent rage.

    Ok I’m just fucking with you, you’re not that stupid. But you’re still a dumbass for thinking anyone’s going to take you seriously when you use “HE’S LITERALLY HITLER” as an argument.