• Category Archives Announcements
  • SnipeMe – Now Available With 100% More Encryption!

    Because I’m not an e-commerce site, nor any sort of site that really needs encrypted end-to-end communication with my audience, I’ve never bothered. Also, because I’m fucking poor and that shit isn’t free! Correction: wasn’t free.

    Thanks to the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and the Internet Security Research Group (ISRG), now any website can have their shit encrypted for FREE!

    This has been around for a little while now, I just hadn’t gotten to it until today. And now, thanks to the fucking badasses at the EFF and ISRB, you can get insulted and demeaned by me with complete privacy and security!

    I will now take questions. Yes, let’s start with you, the fat meatloaf hater in the corner there:

    “Galen, what the fuck are you even talking about? What does this mean?”

    Ok, so for the computer illiterate, it means this. When you visit my website, the address now starts with https. The s stands for “secure.” You see the same shit when you visit Amazon or Newegg or anywhere that you have to enter private information. If you connect to a website using just regular old http, it’s like shouting down the street to your friend. Anybody along the path who knows how to listen will know what you’re saying. Using https is like yelling to your friend in Klingon; it’s not impossible that some pathetic fucking loser will be able to decipher what you’re saying, but it’s a lot less likely.

    Ok, next question, let’s see… Ah yes, you, the Ancient Greek in the 3rd row. Yes, if you’ll just take your dick out of that boy’s ass, I’ll be happy to answer your question.

    “Galen, why the fuck did you bother? This is stupid. There’s nothing secret on your website. Everybody knows it’s here! Literally everybody! I practically grew up here! Please notice me, daddy!

    Uh, ok, that was creepy…. Anyway. It’s not about keeping secrets. An encrypted end-to-end connection hides shit from the people who aren’t intended to see shit. For example, your ISP, who has the legal right to sell off your browsing history to the highest bidder in order to make themselves lots of money that you’ll never see. Fuck those fucking fuckers, right in their goddamn ears! Do I want them exploiting my users? FUCK NO, I DON’T, and they can suck a bull’s dick in hell!

    Ok, final question…. You, the pale specter floating in the corner grading my coding ability (and always giving me an F), the last question is yours.

    “Riiiight, Galen, listen… I’ve inspected this https implementation of yours and found it lacking. The SnipeMe Classic site hasn’t earned its padlock. There are clearly still insecure things there.”

    I have no idea. Four different web services have scanned the site and rated it as perfectly secure with no remaining http elements. I do not know why Firefox and Chrome still think the site is insecure. I’ll fix it later, because nobody fucking cares. For now, everybody should be advised that if you go to SnipeMe Classic and get a warning that the site is insecure, it’s bullshit and both Firefox and Chrome are borderline retarded.

    And that’s it for this very special announcement. TL;DR – Galen modernized some shit, so give him praise or he may never do it again.

    Free Adverstising:

    Let’s Encrypt! – Go here to get your own free SSL certificate and make your website say “fuck you!” to the government and ISPs.

    NordVPN – Go one step further and make sure that *everything* you do online is encrypted and secure. This is the VPN provider Lord Galen uses.

  • Welcome to the new SnipeMe

    Well, I don’t know if it’s fair to call it “new” so much as different. As you can see, the site still has all the same features (which were a pain in the ass to get some of them into WordPress, btw). But, of course, there are all new features that go along with having a blog. For example, you can now comment directly on anything I post instead of having to register on the forums. Instead, you get to register here!

    Damnit, Galen! Why can’t you have open commenting?! I’m too fucking lazy to type in my name and email, you bastard!

    Oh, you know why! Fucking spammers! Maybe you need a larger penis in just 12 days, but I’m fine.

    lol but gaylen, nobody registurs 4 ur forum, your not gonna get any comentz!

    Then you can all fuck right off!

    Anyway, enough of that. The point is that shit’s different now and some of it’s better, but some of it might suck and that’s too fucking bad. The changes are here so that I can retire from writing 30,000 word diatribes on shit like the false dichotomy of the Eastern European anal lube industry vs. the Mongolian Vaginal Prolapse Union. Instead, I’d like to be like everybody else (for once in my fucking life) and just write about tiny dumbshit things, like what’s the best Easter candy or why does the sky burn my eyeballs or how many sperm does the porn industry murder every year? Y’know, shit like that. I want to repost Facebook “memes” (you know, those things that are called image macros by everyone who isn’t an illiterate cunt). I want to steal content from Reddit and credit the user in a tiny tiny tiny ass footnote! I want to embed YouTube videos just because they made me laugh or go “awww.” I WANT TO JOIN THE MODERN INTERNET AND DON’T YOU FUCKING JUDGE ME!!!

    I mean, is that really so wrong of me? I want to post pictures from my phone to show people doing stupid things. I want to take selfies in the fucking mirror like a teenage girl and if you give me shit about it, the duckface will come out!

    Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating that last part.

    The general idea that I’m trying to get across here is that you shouldn’t expect to see the old SnipeMe.com in this blog. Will you see it? Like, ever? Absolutely! Lord Galen is not dead, he’s just bored and needs to do different shit. There may still be rants. If you send in questions for “Dear Galen” then there will be answers to DG letters! If I decide to allow any guest authors, there could even be a Guest Rant or two every once in a while!

    But the very first thing I’ll need to do is update you on my life. A lot has changed since the last time I bothered to talk about myself. But, that deserves its own post (it’s the next post, read it tomorrow assholes). This one is just a simple welcome to the new format. And while I do hope that my loyal fans (both of you) enjoy the new SnipeMe experience, it should also go without saying that you can go fuck yourself with a lit Molotov cocktail if you don’t like it!

    Oh yeah, and Happy Fucking New Year, bitches! Next post in under 24 hours!