• Category Archives Assholes
  • The Good Guys Should Be Better Than This

    The moment I have been waiting for on Facebook has finally happened. I’ve heard of it, whispered in the dark corners of 4chan and joked about in the halls of Reddit, but I was always able to say “Nah, I’ve never seen that.” And, finally, it happened.

    I got called a Nazi on Facebook. More specifically, I got called “Hitlerboy.”

    Now, I’m sure all of my very liberal readers are all like “Galen, what the fuck did you do? Are you a fucking Nazi now?! Someone on Facebook called you a Nazi so you must be saying some goddamn racist Nazi Confederate KKK AntiAntiFa shit, you bastard! What the fuck have you done?!”

    Bitches. I did what I always do. I questioned. That’s what I do. I ask questions.

    Here’s a question for you: How exactly are you “anti-fascist” by employing fascist strategies in your fight? For example, I got called a Nazi because I dared to question the practice of calling people Nazis when they disagree with any small part of your political philosophy (thus, I was proven right, bee-tee-dubs). Hmmm… Now, is there any group or movement in recent history that has perhaps used the tactic of labeling those who disagree with them – even in small ways – as “the enemy?” Any group we can think of? Oh yes, that’s right, the fucking Third Reich. And Soviet Russia, Communist China, pretty much all the goddamn bad guys do this. Why are you, the good guys, doing this?

    And yes, I called Antifa the good guys. Of course being anti-fascist is the GOOD fucking position! I have to point out that this is my opinion because, already, you’re assuming that I’m attacking you and calling you the bad guys!

    NO, YOU DUMBASS!

    And this is exactly 100% the problem right here. Those on the Right never knew how to use logic and reason, so I expect this shit from them, but you guys? Et tu, Antifa? Guys, come the fuck on, YOU HAVE TO BE CRITICIZED IN ORDER TO GROW! You aren’t perfect. Your political philosophy isn’t perfect. There are flaws, there are problems, and there is room for improvement, but every single goddamn time someone like me – YOUR FRIEND AND ALLY WHO THINKS YOU’RE FUCKING RIGHT AND SUPPORTS YOU ALL THE WAY – suggests that maybe what you’re doing sometimes isn’t quite always the best tactic and maybe kinda-sorta looks a little bit fucking oppressive, that person is met with “fuck you, Nazi!”

    Let’s hit up some hard truths here, fuckers. You’re not gonna like this, but nobody else will give it to you straight because everyone else on the left is afraid of your opinion. If you wanna label me a Nazi, go ahead, and I’ll shove a swastika up your fucking hippy ass. You calling me a name doesn’t frighten me. Your fucking stupidity enrages me, but there’s no fear here. So open wide while I shove this giant cock of pure unfiltered truth down your throats.

    The Nazis, KKK, etc. Can Say Whatever They Want

    “But Galen, that’s violent speech, that’s violent speech, we have to respond with actual violence when they use violent speech! …..” and I assume the rest of that quote is just screeching and blubbering, as usual. Look, assholes, if you’re not willing to allow speech that you don’t like, then you’re NOT in favor of free speech and you never were. You’re not a proponent of freedom for all, you’re a proponent of freedom for you and those like you. And how does that make you better than the people you’re fighting against? It doesn’t. Now, what you’ve been doing RIGHT so far is meeting the Nazis head-on in the public arena of speech! Yes, absolutely, fucking go for it! Call them out on their bullshit! Give it right back to them! Fuckin’ hell, guys, that shit you all pulled of in Boston? That was GLORIOUS!!!!!! Twenty Nazis show up and 15,000+ anti-Nazis show up to protest their protest? That is how the fuck you DO IT, BABY! But this violent speech shit? Uh…..

    “Violent Speech” Is Not A Thing, You Made That Shit Up, Knock It Off

    I get the sentiment, I really do. Words DO hurt, often more than physical blows ever could. So I honestly do GET how you can come up with a concept like “violent speech.” What I don’t get is how that translates to a response of actual real physical violence and don’t any of you motherfuckers act like you haven’t responded to hate speech with violence, because you goddamn sure have and I’ve seen it and it is a stain and a shameful mark on the Left. If you think “violent speech” is a thing, then fight back with your own violent speech, you fucking airhead, not with actual violence! Because….

    No Matter What The Nazis SAY, The Moment YOU Use Violence, THEY Are The Victims

    Maybe a Nazi told me that my mother is a whore. Maybe some random KKK wanker is screaming at me that I’m going to hell for betraying the white race. Maybe some Confederate-flag-waving cunt is yelling at be about how the South will rise again (Protip: it won’t). These are some pretty horrible things to say to me, and he surely deserves for me to shove his nose toward the back of his skull with my fist, BUT, the instant I do that, he becomes the victim of a vicious attack by a crazy leftist and then our stupid fucking baby-man of a President gets to say how there was “violence on both sides.” You fucking morons, that is exactly the shit they WANT you to do! I mean, damn guys, if you really want to fight a Nazi, they’re not fucking hard to provoke, just get them to swing at you first and then you’re only defending yourself! But don’t ever – NEVER EVER – swing on them first! This makes YOU the bad guy, and you’re supposed to be the good guys!

    You may be asking why I’m not bitching at the Nazis in this rant. Why haven’t I spoken up about the terrible injustices toward minorities in this country? If you’ve read anything on this site, it should be obvious by now (after running this site for 13 goddamn years) that I speak up when others don’t, or won’t, or can’t. There’s literally TENS OF THOUSANDS of you speaking up against the Nazis! I don’t join any fucking chorus, I’m a singular force of will. You don’t NEED me to speak out against the Nazis. But if you just want it, fine, here you go: My official position on Nazis is that they all fucking suck ass and I would laugh if they all burst into flames at this very moment. Black Lives absolutely motherfucking DO MATTER just as much as any other life and the way racists are resurging in this country makes me want to vomit!

    Now that I’ve said that, let’s get back to why I’m bitchng at you, my fellow left-leaners. Guys, I expect the Right to be the bad guys. It’s what they fucking do and they’re doing it hard core now. We can beat them at this, but not if you start using their tactics to win. If you have to act like a fascist in order to be anti-fascist, what have you really won? Not a goddamn thing. I’m bitching at YOU because I expect better of YOU. I don’t expect better of them, I expect you to show up in droves and crush them. I expect you to make them ashamed and afraid to show their faces in the light of day. Not because you’ll beat them up like some idiot middle school bully, but because you are RIGHT and you show that by your actions and your words and your undefeatable spirit!

    Put your fucking fists down. You’re not going to win like that, you’re just going to become what you hate and you’ll never even see it happen. And I mean that metaphorically as well. If someone criticizes how you’re handling things, ask yourself if maybe they have a point, instead of calling them a Nazi and moving on with your day. There is no perfect Liberal, no perfect Antifa, no perfect BLM Activist. At some point, every single one of your allies will have said something to get themselves labeled a Nazi in your eyes, and then you’re all alone with no allies. At that time, you’ll look around and see that everyone else did the exact same goddamn thing and you’re all alone, fighting each other, while the Nazis do a victory lap around you.

    And while they’re busy winning, what the fuck are you doing?

    Yeah, that’s you, screaming at your allies because they want you to throw on your big girl panties and not fuck this shit up by acting like fucking retards! You aren’t fucking perfect. Sometimes you’re wrong. Stop screaming at the air and admit that and when the people on your side try to help you, shut the fuck up and listen, you asshole.

    Or, you know, ignore me. Just the fate of the fucking country at stake, why take advice from anyone? We think you should change, so we’re just Nazis. If that’s the way you want it, ok, but when your movement doesn’t exist anymore and Trump is getting re-elected, don’t say you weren’t warned that this is what happens when you keep splitting yourselves up over fucking nothing. I’m warning you, right now, and even as I write this I already know that none of you will fucking listen. I see you heading for that cliff and I’m begging you to turn the wheel, but you won’t. All I can do is tell you the cliff is there, I can’t stop the car for you or alter its course. Your choice, but for people who call themselves antifa, you sure look a whole lot like fa sometimes.


  • Paul Ryan Is A Gutless Yellow Turd

    The following Rant is based on this news story:
    Planned Parenthood Volunteers Blocked From Delivering 87,000 Petitions to Paul Ryan


    So, if you just read that article from Teen Vogue, you may need a minute before you can actually read my rant. If you have any functioning brain cells, you’re probably so angry right now that it’s hard to see clearly. That’s fine, come back when you’re ready…..

    Alright, good, let’s get started.

    PAUL RYAN, YOU SHIT-EATING LITTLE FAGNET, WHO IN THE HOLY JESUS-TITS FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

    You spineless, dickless, pathetic little snot-rag chewer, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU refuse petitions! HOW DARE YOU!

    YOU WORK FOR THE PEOPLE, YOU ARROGANT FUCKING HERPES WART, NOT THE OTHER GODDAMN WAY AROUND!!!!

    You seem to have forgotten, you little shit, that listening to the will of the people and carrying out those wishes is the exact definition of your fucking JOB, asshole!

    This is what the fuck happens when you silly little cum stains start getting the notion into your heads that being a member of Congress means that you’re in a “Be Your Own Boss” type of situation. No, motherfucker, you’re NOT your own goddamn boss. Y’know who IS your boss? All those Planned Parenthood volunteers that you sent armed guards out to keep away from you. THOSE are your bosses and it’s a shame that all they can deliver is a bunch of petitions. What you NEED delivered is a fucking slap to the back of the head and told to “Get back to work, you lazy fuck, stop riding the clock.”

    No, I’m not fucking bitching that you want to defund PP. I could, because that’s a dickbag move, but no, that’s not my problem here. YOUR GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING JOB is to listen to The People!

    DO YOUR JOB, DICKHEAD!


  • Well, shit….

    “OMG Galen, why haven’t you, of all people, had something to say about the election???”

    Three words for ya, folks: Stunned. Fucking. Silence.

    And I just kept sitting here thinking “Nah, I don’t feel like writing a blog post, and besides, there’s still a chance.” I mean, the Electoral College could’ve done their fucking jobs. There were other possibilities (glimmers of hope) circulating among the liberal media. So, I held my breath and waited. Hoping beyond all hope.

    But somewhere deep inside, I knew. I knew that the people of this country would disappoint me, again, as they have so many times before. But it’s not even the people, really. At the time of this writing, Clinton won the popular vote by 2.8 million votes! One vote, one voice, am I fucking right, my Libertarian friends?!

    I feel so many things right now. Anger, yes. Bitterness, hopelessness, disappointment, all of that. Confusion, most of all. I mean, he just makes no sense at all, for anyone?! If you’re a woman, why would you vote for that fucking sexist scumbag who’s been accused of rape (and even of raping a *child*)? If you’re a member of the working class, why would you vote for a fucking old rich guy? If you’re a right-wing evangelical Christian, why in the ever-loving goddamn fuck would you vote for the least Christian candidate up there?! For fuck’s sake, Richard Dawkins is more of a Christian than Trump!

    So, yeah, the confusion is the biggest thing for me. I honestly just cannot see how anyone would vote for Trump. At least, not logically, but then elections aren’t won by reason; this one least of all. Trump one because people are fucking pissed and they wanted to shove that giant Cheeto right up the establishment’s ass. Everybody knew that the Republican and Democratic leadership hates Trump, so they wanted to send him to the White House as a big ‘ol “Fuck you!”

    Now look what you’ve done, you spiteful cunts! Fuck them? Fuck US – ALL OF US!

    Over the next four years, we can all look foward to seeing every bit of progress that’s been made in the 21st century get shoved into a windowless van, driven out to the desert and shot.

    Fear. Did I mention that one? Because I AM afraid. Not for me. I’m a lower middle-class white male, I’ll fucking survive. It won’t be pleasant (even for me), but I’ll make it. But if you’re a woman, a Muslim, an immigrant, etc. then prepare for the dicking. A tiny orange dick that’s not simply going in your asshole, but in the all new asshole that Orange Hitler rips you.

    OH BOY, let me not forget to qualify the Hitler reference. See, for the whole goddamn Bush era, the majority of my rants were comparing Bush to Hitler. Hell, the majority of every online “ranter” called him Hitler. But that was obviously hyperbole, and if it wasn’t obvious to you, let me spell it out: George W. Bush was not Hitler. Yes, he did a few mildly fascist things (mild when compared to a real fascist dictator), but he was not Hitler and when I (and many others) called him that, we were just being dicks to a guy we hated.

    All that being said, let me not mince words here when I say that Donald Trump’s rhetoric and actions do actually bear a striking and terrifying resemblance to that of Adolf Hitler. I’m NOT using hyperbole when I say that we are under a genuine threat as long as that monster retains any level of power. He is a fucking horror show waiting to happen and the American Democratic Republic is in actual real genuine no-bullshit fucking danger now!

    Winter is here.


  • There Are No Good Cops

    With all the bullshit going on right now with the police and various protests (including and especially Black Lives Matter), I hear and read a lot of defenses and accusations coming from all sides. There’s one, however, that I’ve yet to see anybody disagree with. Everyone seems to universally agree that all those dickhead cops out there shooting unarmed black men are just the rotten apples. I’m sure you’ve all heard some variation of “Most cops are good people who risk their lives every day to serve and protect the community.”

    In the grand scheme of things and when you tally up all the good and evil in a cop’s life, that may very well be true, so I can’t entirely disagree with that statement. Yes, cops do indeed risk their lives. Their job is important and they do protect the vast majority of us, every single day. Credit where it’s due.

    But, human beings (including cops) are more than the sum total of their parts. If I put one little drop of shit into a huge pot of the best chili on Earth, the chili is fucking ruined. It doesn’t matter that 99.9% of the contents are good, that 0.1% is all it takes to ensure that nobody is going to want to eat that fucking nasty-ass concoction anymore.

    Cops are like that hypothetical pot of chili. The vast majority of the average cop is made up of goodness, decency, duty, honor, etc. But there is one massive turd in the pot that ruins everybody. The media likes to call it “The Blue Wall.”

    Let’s imagine two cops. Officer Rob and Officer Dylan. Of the two, Officer Rob is a racist cock-spittoon who profiles suspects and generally takes every opportunity to be a dick to black people who “look suspicious” to him. Officer Dylan is not like this at all. In fact, most of their Department isn’t like this at all. Most of them, including Officer Dylan, are great cops who serve their community well. But, does Officer Dylan ever report his partner, Rob, for the shitbag things he does? No. Does anyone else in the Department, knowing how Rob acts, report him for it? No. And if anyone did report him, would anything happen to Officer Rob? Not really.

    The Blue Wall, to a cop, is about loyalty and brotherhood. No one can understand what it’s like for a cop except another cop. There’s a bond there; a closeness that the rest of us just can’t understand. And so, they stick by each other, no matter what. And those few who don’t? They don’t stay cops for long. They’re ostricized and run out of their careers.

    See, the problem is systemic. Cops aren’t all bad, but the ones who are good still engage in the act of looking the other way and saying fucking nothing because they have no other choice. Well, that’s not true. Their other choice is to end their careers and leave their family without a much-needed source of income.

    “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
    — Edmund Burke

    And when those good men intentionally and with full knowledge of the consequences sit there and fucking do nothing, I ask, can they still be called “good” men?

    Internal Affairs is seen as the enemy. Cops “ratting” on other cops are seen as traitors. The system is broken. Cops need to be reminded that your duty is to the people you serve FIRST and to your brothers in blue SECOND. If your brothers fucking betray their charge by mistreating the citizens you are sworn to protect, then you have FAILED in your duty.

    There’s too much “us vs. them” in the minds of both cops and black people, but the cops started it and they have to acknowledge that and put a stop to it. The violent misbehavior of cops that we’re seeing all over the news these days, that’s not a new thing. In fact, it’s way better than it ever has been before! What’s new are the cameras and the social media that’s no longer allowing racist fucking dickheads to get away with their shitty behavior.

    The good news is that there’s HOPE! Cops *can* change. The majority of them, absent the systemic bullshit, WANT to do the right thing! When the Blue Culture changes so that it’s truly more about serving the people than each other, that’s when the change will come. Good luck waiting for that to fucking happen, though!


  • Taxation is Theft! Except That It’s NOT.

    This is a phrase that I see on Facebook and floating around all the other meme-regurgitator sites. The phrase that every Libertarian tattoos on their colon so they’ve got something to read while their head is up their ass.



    Yeah…. no it’s not. Hold on to your tinfoil hats, retards, here we go!

    First, let’s define what we’re talking about here. When we say “theft” what does that mean? It’s a legal term, right? Because theft is a crime, right? Taking something that doesn’t belong to you is illegal.

    “MY MONEY DOESN’T BELONG TO THE GUB’MENT, GALEN! UNDER JURISPRUDENCE COLOR OF LAW IN ABSENTIA BLAH BLAH BLAH MORE LEGAL TERMS I DON’T ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND BUT WILL CONTINUE TO SHOUT AS IF THEY MEAN SOMETHING BLAH BLAH BLAH ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION AND SECTION 553-C OF THE MAGNA CARTA BLAH BLAH BLAH….”

    Calm the fuck down, you dumb hick. I’m getting there! Maybe if you ever would stop for two seconds to listen to somebody else, you wouldn’t be such a very wrong fucking retard right now.

    So, we’ve established that theft is, by its very definition, an illegal act. Therefore, someone taking your money for a legal reason could not possibly be theft. For example, if you come to buy a 12-inch dildo from me and I take your money and then give you the dildo, I did not commit theft even though I took your money. But maybe you’d say that’s “giving” the money away freely. Ok, so if you try to steal a dildo from me and catch you and make you pay for it, is that theft? No. See, if there’s a legal reason for which I am forcing you to give me money, it’s not theft.

    We must now ask ourselves if there is a legal reason for taxation. Of course there are tax laws, but let’s not stop there. Surely the Constitution has something to say about this heinous act! I mean, our forefathers did fight tyranny and oppression simply to forget to explicitly outlaw something so horrible! So since I’m sure that taxes are unconstitutional, that’ll be easy to prove and will make them illegal! This is certainly what Libertarians are talking about, right? I mean, obviously the Constution would never…….

    The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes, Duties, Imposts and Excises, to pay the Debts and provide for the common Defence and general Welfare of the United States

    Uh….

    …shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes…

    Oh. Oops!

    Here’s the problem, Libertardians. Your slogan is a straight-up paradox. You can’t say that something which is legal is therefore an illegal act!



    Pointing out this inconvenient fact (that their little tax motto is nonsensical horseshit) to Libertarians typically gets the same result. The more respectful and intelligent ones will say that you’ve made a fine legal argument, but that their problem is that, whether or not its legal, taxation is immoral. Ok, fine, but that’s not what you said! My fine legal argument is all that matters because whether something is “theft” is a LEGAL ISSUE! Your stupid memes and shit don’t say “TAXATION IS IMMORAL” or “TAXATION IS WRONG” or even just “TAXATION SUCKS.” They all very clearly and unambiguously say that taxation (a legal act) is theft (an illegal act).

    That is wrong and retarded, just like the people who spew it out of the gaping shithole in their face. The fact is that “taxation is theft” is easily disproved by citing Article I, Section 8, Clause 1 of the United States Constitution (just as I did above). Once that’s done your legal argument is shown up as the absurd fucking looney toon idea that it is and you have to fall back on “Uh, well, no, it’s about morality! It’s immoral to tax me without my consent!” Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, but why don’t you try actually having THAT fucking argument instead?!

    Y’know why you don’t? Because just saying that taxation is immoral/wrong makes you sound like a whiny little bitch who doesn’t want to pay his fair share into the system. Instead, you conflate the issue. You use hyperbole to make a point and while I’m certainly the world’s biggest fan of that tactic, here it’s just making you a dishonest douchebag.

    Taxation isn’t theft. It can’t be. It’s not even possible. And since you Libertarians pride yourselves on how well you know the Constitution, I don’t believe for one second that this is an honest mistake. You’re lying and you shifty little fucks know exactly what you’re doing! Get bent and stay the fuck off my social media, assholes!

    —–

    Update – 4/1/2016: I’ve been informed by a Libertarian that the rebuttal to this is the fact that the Libertarian party doesn’t believe in the legitimacy of the Constitution anyway. They’re down with the Articles of Confederation or some shit like that. So, basically, the response to all my awesomeness is “No, no, you’re wrong, because we’re fucking stupid.” Thanks guys, I’ll try to remember that.


  • Fucking Dog-Killing Pigs!

    LINK: Chester Pa Police Officers Shoot A 1yo Puppy, In Its Own Yard, 8 Times, Then Laugh In The Owner’s Face.

    Cops. Big tough manly men, right? Tell me, just how big of an oozing herpes-infestedpussy do you have to be to shoot a goddamn puppy eight fucking times?!

    Oh, the dog got loose? It jumped on you? YOU FUCKING LITTLE PANSY ASS FAGGOT! You can’t knock a fucking puppy off you? Really?

    But of course you can! Because you’re lying, assholes. The dog didn’t miraculously break its bonds when you showed up and he didn’t jump on you. He didn’t do a goddamn thing except be there when your immature little brain decided it wanted to shoot a defenseless creature.

    Tell ya what, I have four dogs. Why don’t you fly your asses down here to Georgia, take off that gold-plated shield-shaped tampon that you hide behind like a little bitch, and come on into my yard and shoot my dogs. Castle Doctrine, for the win! I would love – and I mean love love LOVE – to ruthlessly gun your sick stupid asses down just like you did to that dog. Then, when I’m done, I’ll take pictures of your bleeding bullet-riddled corpse, fly to Pennsylvania, meet up with your wife and kids, show them the picture and ask “Is this your husband and father?” And when they tearfully answer “yes” I’ll LAUGH IN THEIR FUCKING FACES and tell them that they don’t have a father or husband anymore, he’s done!

    How’s that thought sit with you, ya festering little cunt slit? Probably not too well!

    Maybe if any of these fucktards read this (I doubt they can read), they’ll start calling up their pig-buddies in my area to get me charged with threatening the lives of police officers. NOPE! Never said I’d do a damn thing other than defend my own property if some unidentified armed individuals came to shoot my dogs. But you just go ahead and try that instead of taking me up on my challenge. That’s exactly what I’d expect you to do, because that’s what any fancy-pants sissy boy would do. What, am I gonna be scared of you or something? You shoot small puppies for the hell of it; you’re not anything to be afraid of. You’re something to be mocked and spit on. Fuck you.